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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	02-June 21:42:39 AEST

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Array ( [sid] => 99929 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Mistake [time] => 2005-07-02 18:46:40 [hometext] => Guess.O.o [bodytext] => She's lean and frail,
stuck here in this jail.
She made a mistake by popping off the lid,
and collided with an innocent kid.
She knows it was wrong,
but she's too late cuz' that kid's gone.
So now she's trapped for 7 years,
all because she drank those beers. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 174 [topic] => 66 [informant] => JustAGirl001 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => drugabuse )

Mistake

Contributed by JustAGirl001 on Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 06:46:40 PM in AEST
Topic: drugabuse

She's lean and frail,
stuck here in this jail.
She made a mistake by popping off the lid,
and collided with an innocent kid.
She knows it was wrong,
but she's too late cuz' that kid's gone.
So now she's trapped for 7 years,
all because she drank those beers.

Copyright © JustAGirl001 ... [ 2005-07-02 18:46:40]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Mistake (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 09:27:36 PM AEST
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id say that this simple poem is better than the last ive read, simply because it illustrates the concept well and is more professionally written. simple poems are harder to make harder, but you had one part in here,
"She knows it was wrong,
but she's too late cuz' that kid's gone." that made it better. i would say that it's too late, and not she's too late though. you have nice rhymes, though they are borderline on forced. id like to see more substance in your poems, to really portray the topic. sure this was powerful, but you can make it so much more. so all in all, good poem, but the question is was the mistake worth the learning experience?

Re: Mistake (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Sunday, 3rd July 2005 @ 12:15:21 AM AEST
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Sad but well said.
huggs, smiles,
emy

Re: Mistake (User Rating: 1 )
by justme03 on Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 02:39:01 PM AEST
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wow u got sum good comments on this one and i agree. u r really shaping up to b an awesome poet and i think u rock! luv ya
~Kortnie~

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