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Array ( [sid] => 95707 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Breath [time] => 2005-05-25 10:48:59 [hometext] => My first song I've ever witten.Things in brackets are whispered. Capitals are Screamed. The rest is sung. With a male voice. (Even though I'm female) Please, comments are greatly appriciated [bodytext] => (What is Life? What is Death? All that seperates, one tiny breath)

All these things I can't describe.
All this ******** I feel inside.
So many things are mysteries to me.
Open my eyes.
LET ME SEE.

What happens when you die?
(No warmth. No breath)
Centries apon centeries, of eternal rest.

What happens when you die?
(Peacefullness, heavenly light)
Place for gods children. Palace of white?

All These things don't scare me.
I welcome death. SET ME FREE. x2

SET ME FREE x6

What happens when you die?
(Fire, sulfur, eternal pain)
Sins become purged. BECOME INSANE.

What happens when you die?
(Corpse rotting, six feet under)
Clawing to get out. FEED HIS HUNGER.

FEED HIS HUNGER.
(What is life?)
FEED HIS HUNGER.
(What is death?)
FEED HIS HUNGER.
(All that seperates)
FEED HIS HUNGER.
(One tiny breath)

FEED YOUR HUNGER x6

All These things don't scare me.
I welcome death. Set Me free. x2

What is Life? What is Death?
Seperate me.
Take my breath.

[comments] => 5 [counter] => 428 [topic] => 34 [informant] => Makeshift_2134 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SongLyrics )

Breath

Contributed by Makeshift_2134 on Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 10:48:59 AM in AEST
Topic: SongLyrics

(What is Life? What is Death? All that seperates, one tiny breath)

All these things I can't describe.
All this ******** I feel inside.
So many things are mysteries to me.
Open my eyes.
LET ME SEE.

What happens when you die?
(No warmth. No breath)
Centries apon centeries, of eternal rest.

What happens when you die?
(Peacefullness, heavenly light)
Place for gods children. Palace of white?

All These things don't scare me.
I welcome death. SET ME FREE. x2

SET ME FREE x6

What happens when you die?
(Fire, sulfur, eternal pain)
Sins become purged. BECOME INSANE.

What happens when you die?
(Corpse rotting, six feet under)
Clawing to get out. FEED HIS HUNGER.

FEED HIS HUNGER.
(What is life?)
FEED HIS HUNGER.
(What is death?)
FEED HIS HUNGER.
(All that seperates)
FEED HIS HUNGER.
(One tiny breath)

FEED YOUR HUNGER x6

All These things don't scare me.
I welcome death. Set Me free. x2

What is Life? What is Death?
Seperate me.
Take my breath.

Copyright © Makeshift_2134 ... [ 2005-05-25 10:48:59]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by PainfulSpirit06 on Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 11:47:22 AM AEST
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That was sooooo deep to me. But all that anger you need to let it go. TRUST me. I love the song, even the message sent through the song. You need to consider recording it even if just for your personal pleasure.

Re: Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 01:19:16 PM AEST
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Linkin Park ? Hawthorn Heights ? either would give this a good voice. Watch your spelling ... and I am betting that this line will soon become moderated and you'll get a word censored ... "All this bullsh*t I feel inside." Just lettin you know you might wanna watch that ...

But in all a very effective lyric write ... I like it

Nazmythian ~

Re: Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by sadsadman on Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 01:38:05 PM AEST
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great writing cause im a singer just wish i had your melody instead of making my own . dont give up your good

Re: Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by Kratur on Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 11:48:38 PM AEST
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I read all your poetry... I really liked "Guilt" and "Euthanasia"... I have a couple related poems that I'm going to post.

For this song... I'm thinking of changing "What happens when YOU die" to "What happens when WE die"
I just think that the audience needs to feel assimilated into the whole death scope, and the use of a plural pronoun would facilitate that.
Aside from that, I like the angle you take where the access to heaven is not even considered as a possibility. And the ending is good, tied in with the introduction but with a distinct and enigmatic language about it. It seems to me like you want to go into that line that separates life and death, the grey area that is so prevelant in comparison to the white and black... "Separate me / Take my breath"... put me in the third mode of existence?

~dave

Re: Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by MakeShift_2134 on Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 10:18:00 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Thank you dave. That is a very good idea and with your permission I would want to change it to we. So smart, I can always count on you to help me improve.

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