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Array ( [sid] => 94075 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Dieing of a Broken Heart [time] => 2005-05-11 18:39:46 [hometext] => Not something from my own experience...just thoughts on it [bodytext] => Trapt in the dark
His life numb and blind
Dieing of a broken heart
With every wasted "I love you"
In the back of his mind

Locked to the memories
The ones he trys to avoid
A voice of sour melodies
With all the time spent together
Just null and void

Sucumbed by the lies
The ones that ment everything
Now he takes his own life
With a bullet to begin death
. . .
He left a note
Said "I love you"
. . .
Even knowing her ears were deaf

[comments] => 6 [counter] => 171 [topic] => 13 [informant] => ForeverAlone [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Dieing of a Broken Heart

Contributed by ForeverAlone on Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 06:39:46 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

Trapt in the dark
His life numb and blind
Dieing of a broken heart
With every wasted "I love you"
In the back of his mind

Locked to the memories
The ones he trys to avoid
A voice of sour melodies
With all the time spent together
Just null and void

Sucumbed by the lies
The ones that ment everything
Now he takes his own life
With a bullet to begin death
. . .
He left a note
Said "I love you"
. . .
Even knowing her ears were deaf

Copyright © ForeverAlone ... [ 2005-05-11 18:39:46]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Dieing of a Broken Heart (User Rating: 1 )
by Zeldianus on Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 08:29:46 PM AEST
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very well done. ending seemed a bit rushed but i still like it alot

Re: Dieing of a Broken Heart (User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 08:41:16 PM AEST
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Overall good stuff here Clark, minus the various typos. I love the twist you put at the end, which just made perfect sense and closed things up quite nicely. I love that part about leaving a note for some reason. For the first half, I could so easily relate to it, but then you took it in a different direction and the ending was really pleasing. Well done.

Re: Dieing of a Broken Heart (User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 09:47:45 PM AEST
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Clark this is a very well written poem , but I feel the ending was a tad rushed. Overall a great write.
*hugs*
~sue~

Re: Dieing of a Broken Heart (User Rating: 1 )
by FearMyRawr on Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 09:58:13 PM AEST
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The last line brought tears to my eyes, absolutely beautiful write, keep it up :)

Re: Dieing of a Broken Heart (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 10:06:04 PM AEST
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this didnt really seem like your others in the fact that it wasnt as well constructed as ive become to expect of your poems. oh yes i see why, some of your lines didnt rhyme...::glares:: you know how i like my rhymes. i agree with marc though. very good ending and good overall.

Re: Dieing of a Broken Heart (User Rating: 1 )
by somedaylove on Friday, 20th May 2005 @ 01:40:15 AM AEST
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wow nice write....... I was there once in a not so good marrige so i felt those words....... keep it up

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