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Array ( [sid] => 92043 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Deceit [time] => 2005-04-23 21:05:39 [hometext] => I wrote this poem about my ex, Jesse [bodytext] => I just hate life now
It’s been deceiving
I can’t understand how
You’re not believing
Anything that I have to say
You just don’t know, how it hurts so
I’m never going to be okay
Without a peace between us, to let go
How can this be happening?
My world was once happy and free
Now it’s become sad and confusing
Without you here with me
I just can’t even see
How I can possibly be real
We got along so happily
Until my decision, so surreal
I couldn’t believe I made that
Decision, then I was so blind
I wish you can understand that
I’m sorry and that I find
That you’re still in my heart
You can still make me happy
I just want my life to start
Over again, I feel so crappy
Without you as a part of it
I’d never do anything
With another person, in the pit
Of my heart, it’s nothing
But you mean something
That I considered special
I would give up anything
For you to come again, your facial
Expressions have told me
That you’ve been hurt all along
I would like us to be
Together, for our time was long
Now it has dwindled
I am just here, crimpled [comments] => 1 [counter] => 171 [topic] => 48 [informant] => smiley_jennyxoxo [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
Deceit

Contributed by smiley_jennyxoxo on Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 09:05:39 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry



I just hate life now
It’s been deceiving
I can’t understand how
You’re not believing
Anything that I have to say
You just don’t know, how it hurts so
I’m never going to be okay
Without a peace between us, to let go
How can this be happening?
My world was once happy and free
Now it’s become sad and confusing
Without you here with me
I just can’t even see
How I can possibly be real
We got along so happily
Until my decision, so surreal
I couldn’t believe I made that
Decision, then I was so blind
I wish you can understand that
I’m sorry and that I find
That you’re still in my heart
You can still make me happy
I just want my life to start
Over again, I feel so crappy
Without you as a part of it
I’d never do anything
With another person, in the pit
Of my heart, it’s nothing
But you mean something
That I considered special
I would give up anything
For you to come again, your facial
Expressions have told me
That you’ve been hurt all along
I would like us to be
Together, for our time was long
Now it has dwindled
I am just here, crimpled




Copyright © smiley_jennyxoxo ... [ 2005-04-23 21:05:39]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Deceit (User Rating: 1 )
by Wild_Flame on Sunday, 25th September 2005 @ 11:11:47 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
your poem is good but lacks structure, you need to add to its deeper meaning by given it more of a stanza/form. try to make eveything in the poem a reflection of how you feel, make the whole thing expressive and not just the words.
goodluck with it.




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