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Array
(
[sid] => 91162
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Deafened
[time] => 2005-04-16 10:48:26
[hometext] => I just thought I'd experiment a bit, its not a 'real' poem, I guess. If you get me.
[bodytext] => I tried holding onto nothing,
But it only fell away,
It had always seemed like something,
To my eyes.
I thought that I heard screaming,
But I really could not say,
Until I realized that the voice I heard,
Was mine.
[But I could not hear the words I said,
The air was too loud to hear a sound,
I was deafened by the world today,
Because it was breathing far too loud]
And I scratched at a face,
Before my eyes,
Until I realized I
Was who stared back,
I knew no shock,
But I could have cried,
That I had used such a
Vicious attack.
[And the mirror sneered and giggled at me,
I could hear it in my mind,
Yet the voice I really wanted to hear,
Was the one I could not find]
The world was way too loud today,
I couldn't hear the words,
But every object screamed at me,
It's own.
I needed all the silence,
I just wanted to be heard,
But I could only find the words,
When all alone.
[comments] => 13
[counter] => 240
[topic] => 43
[informant] => lostinmyself
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 40
[ratings] => 8
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => oops
)
Deafened
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Saturday, 16th April 2005 @ 10:48:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I tried holding onto nothing,
But it only fell away,
It had always seemed like something,
To my eyes.
I thought that I heard screaming,
But I really could not say,
Until I realized that the voice I heard,
Was mine.
[But I could not hear the words I said,
The air was too loud to hear a sound,
I was deafened by the world today,
Because it was breathing far too loud]
And I scratched at a face,
Before my eyes,
Until I realized I
Was who stared back,
I knew no shock,
But I could have cried,
That I had used such a
Vicious attack.
[And the mirror sneered and giggled at me,
I could hear it in my mind,
Yet the voice I really wanted to hear,
Was the one I could not find]
The world was way too loud today,
I couldn't hear the words,
But every object screamed at me,
It's own.
I needed all the silence,
I just wanted to be heard,
But I could only find the words,
When all alone.
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2005-04-16 10:48:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinned on
Saturday, 16th April 2005 @ 11:02:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Title : inner thoughts
Sometimes in our being alone with ourselves we think too much.
The inner sound is deafing.
to see yourself as I am
Good write
Sinned |
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Saturday, 16th April 2005 @ 11:56:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
No it's not a real poem, right, and the Mona
Lisa isn't a real painting, but your right phill,
it's more a work of fine art, that last line
floored me, Beautifuly sensitive, just keep
writting these not so real poems lol. and i'll
keep enjoying them . . .
(((((((PMT))))))) Dorian Chambers
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Saturday, 16th April 2005 @ 01:48:48 PM AEST
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I enjoyed this write. I could feel the emotion and Ive felt it often. Good write. Thanks fer sharin:-)
Whisper |
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Sunday, 17th April 2005 @ 02:33:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Not a 'real' poem? You've got to be kidding. This poem is beyond amazing. Simply beautiful, strong and so enjoyable. I absolutely love it!!! |
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Monday, 18th April 2005 @ 12:00:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I admire your ongoing willingness to compose and write new poems with differing styles and formats. This is another good example.
....my inner self created noise often shuts out the rest of the world
Super write
Will |
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by WorthlesSanity666 on
Monday, 18th April 2005 @ 01:57:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Beautil "fake" poem. I feel the same way a lot too. I especailly liked the last two stanzas. I have to say, this "unpoem" is far better than any of my hardest attempts at a real poem. Great job! You have such talent! I truely envy you. |
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 19th April 2005 @ 01:16:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Philly, I'm begining to think that anything you put down on paper is a poem.
The idea here is original, (yes, even with the mirror!)
The feel of this is incredible...I can almost hear the noise.
and again, this is so full of ..you!!
Wonderful as always. |
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie-Kie on
Tuesday, 19th April 2005 @ 03:58:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow Phil :|
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, it must truely be painful.
This was, as always, an excellent poem though :D
Lov eya,
~Kiela~
(who's always there ready to listen if you need her) |
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Wednesday, 20th April 2005 @ 12:46:12 AM AEST
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Well... this seemed rather poemish (poemy? poemlike?) to me. *smiles*
It is, I think, a fabulous tribute to solitude... and, if I may be so bold, honors the fact that we seem to see ourselves more clearly when alone. It can be rather wonderful... and terribly frightening... I think. I have what I think are similar moments in the wee wee hours... when I am at once terribly glad that I have found myself again and at the same time, wishing for distraction so that I can continuing hiding what I do not want to see.
Oh, I don't know Philly... I feel like I'm maybe overanalyzing this... like I'm prodding. I did find something here that I can relate to - which, I believe, is the what makes a poem appealing/interesting... I don't hope my rambling wasn't inappropriate.
*hugs*
~Snem~
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 04:44:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I could easily see this one made into a song, cause it just told that whole story in the time frame, there was a bit of repetition in the sense that there was a running theme that all tied it together. lol, then again, I could be referring to poems in general :P But anyways, I enjoyed the subject matter here, because you had a lot to say and it was all refreshingly and surprisingly unique, due to the fact that most all mirror poems deal with reflections in some ways. You handled things quite nicely here, and I'm glad I read this poem. Any poem that gets me thinking and I can relate to myself on some subconscious level, can easily blow me away :) Strong and amazing write here. |
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 05:00:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Oh this was wonderful! I loved these lines:
I was deafened by the world today,
Because it was breathing far too loud]
Great, absolutely great!
Carol
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 08:42:33 AM AEST
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Phil, this was just brilliant. It really is. I agree with Snem this does look kinda poemish. It's really emotional sad. But very well writen as all of your works.
[And the mirror sneered and giggled at me,
I could hear it in my mind,
Yet the voice I really wanted to hear,
Was the one I could not find]
This was such a well writen stanza i just adore it.
Jane~
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Re: Deafened
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Thursday, 5th May 2005 @ 01:51:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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How is this not a poem ? Tell me please ... for by my way of thinking ... it is most certainly one, and one of fantastic caliber. So everything I have thought poetic either must not be ... or you have mistakenly mislabled what you have accomplished here ... I vote for the latter.
Nazzy |
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