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The Cycle
Contributed by
ForeverAlone
on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 06:41:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Daylight breaks
Breaking the bonds you tied tight
Replinishing my hate
Ending another sleepless night
Soon to be back though
Nothing is great forever
The sun will fall, along with my hope
Ending another failure
But then a rift breaks the cycle
Making things cloudy, clear
I see you my rival
I see you my dear
The storm clears away
Bringing brightful new days
But I still can't see you
You're still see-through
Still being passive in every little way
Still tieing my mind tight at night
I thought the cycle was broken
For a moment....
But then I remembered
Every day
Ends with night
Ignite
My spite
Soon as midnight
Stikes
Goodnight
Opening my mind to you're face
That I fail to forget
Binding my mind to this place
Untill I awake and reset
Repeating the Cycle
At
Sunset
Copyright ©
ForeverAlone
... [
2005-02-07 18:41:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Cycle
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 07:17:29 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
That was really good. The line arrangements were real original and interesting.
I also liked the rhythm/rhyme when it was there. The stanza :
"Ignite
My spite
Soon as midnight
Strikes
Goodnight"
was probably my favorite. You also ended this really well.
Awesome write!
~waos/kara |
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Re: The Cycle
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 8th February 2005 @ 11:03:17 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| very nice indeed. kind of weird from some of your others by the tone of it, but thats fine. a simple change can make a poem completely different than the others, ensures variety. after all i get sick of reading poems basically the same. that is why i fall asleep during some poems because they are so much like others. so many others. but this was good. im listening to break the cycle by staind right now, lol. odd eh? |
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