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Array
(
[sid] => 75370
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Mixed Thoughts/ What in the H E Doubble Hockey Sticks am I afraid of?
[time] => 2004-12-11 21:14:39
[hometext] => Some kind of poetry im sure.. verry long .. Alot of rambling.. Mostley Explaniation of a feeling with some hint of poetry inside. :) It may get hard to read at some points.. bare with it.. any comments are welcome :) Thks, Chad
[bodytext] => In this cage I shall sit and wait What for? An open gate Let me out I scream in side It all stirs and stirs, feelings so intense Feelings so strong I could never confide To anyone or even myself Flip I hate to think it, this game is sick Self-analyzing me, like I ain''t ** Why would I look down on my self so much? I’ve been through so many things I’ve accomplished so all by my own wit I’ve been there for so many people I’ve done so much good Is this pain a haunting of things I've done of lesser good? Is this frustration of ones-self some deep seeded sin I forgot about and now is flourishing inside me Forever to eat at me bit by bit while I sit back to Watch myself self-destruct It seams like I fight myself more than any other Thing in this world. Why can''t I forget about this fight? Call it a truce Just walk away and forget the abuse I’ve caused myself Every day this haunts some part of my life So my only conclusion is that I must like to Play the mind games with me more than Anything else Some times it feels like a Bad Dream One that has come to life over time Slowly creeping in my life while the rest Of me seems to want to fight it I don’t know how much I truly fight it Mabey I just truly hate it It''s kind of like when you awe at something You forget about time and you go off in your Own little world, so that kind of thing is hard to fight I feel blindfolded to this power that has taken me Like I am the littlest ant on the earth trying to move The biggest mountain And some how that ant still thinks it can Still try’s because the ant knows It’s all in the mind, and the mind is the most powerful Thing in the world because it created the world for It’s self to perceive And all this happens in this little cage behind my eyes As much time as it takes to try to describe this feeling I could have done more constructive things This seems like an endless pointless struggle Just when I get to a point of explaining my feelings and Am ready to move on, my imagination comes up with This wonderful idea about how there is more to the Story and I need to figure out more about the feeling Before I can let it go and feel at one with my self. It’s been going on so long that I some times feel like It’s all a game I play with myself, or why wouldn’t I Have come to a reasonable conclusion to this feeling Imagination against Imagination ummmmm When I get this far in to my explanation of this situation I start to get scared. I seem to find an answer That sums up the game. Like that conclusion you just Herd. Imagination against Imagination. That alone could explain where this feeling could originate Then I see something like The line I just wrote Imagination against Imagination Meaning that 2 imaginations could never out do One or the other. Which is why this could go On forever. That’s how it feels some times But what strikes me is the two Imaginations. Aren’t we just supposed to have one imagination? When one imagination creates another to play with Is that more like an imaginary friend or a split Personality at its earliest stages Even worse thought hits me is that it''s possible That it could be an advanced personality So advanced that they meet with each other That isn''t what scares me though. It’s more like It’s all just speculation, and I’m fine with the speculation Of an idea. But why so much speculation I know I worry about it too much I wish I could stop worrying about it Flip Stuck and waiting in my cage Do I have the key? Or does it lye with in my rage Am I kidding my self? I know built this box, and there must be a key. Or did I forget to make one Flip Now why would I go and create that thought It just makes a new beginning of another string Of thoughts that I don’t really think is worth My time to think about. Sounds crazy. Am I missing something here? Why is the word crazy so damn scary? To be crazy..... What good could be said about being crazy? I''m sure there is something What is so bad about being crazy? Crazy states that something is wrong with you And that you need help for some reason Are you crazy if you know that no one can help you? And that you started all this craziness and that you And only you! Have to end this craziness? That sounds pretty crazy to me. Flip Testing the limits Of myself I admits Going insane inside this brain Pushing my limits Running in circles forever it seems Will I get tired of it? Tired enough to quit How far can they go? The limits I ''m say''n I feel I''m in so much pain Reaching out a gain and a gain But I''m blind to the fact Nothing is there though Is this a game I play? How ****-up can I be? Its there every day In this cage I play I know I have the key But I won''t hand it over Cause then I''d see The game is over This is my Definition of scaring your self. Breath in.. Hold... Hold... And slowly.. Slowly breath out. Please tell me where I lost you if you were able to follow any. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 145 [topic] => 59 [informant] => Chad [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => psychoticpoems )
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