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Array
(
[sid] => 71014
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Fear
[time] => 2004-11-10 20:20:49
[hometext] => This is also dedicated to my mother... <33 RIP.
[bodytext] => I fear for the day where I will forget the lilting flow of your voice, the texture of your skin and the shape of your face. I fear for the day where my remaining kin will join you wherever you lie. I cannot help but be so pessimistically maudlin, for everything around me is in ruins. My life, my everything. The things that used to comfort me hardly work to do so now... They hardly work to ease the pain, to chase my discomforts away. My family - your family, is on edge, we are so tense with sorrow that verbal spars erupt frequently over silly grudges. I fear that our family will be broken apart, strewn to pieces, anger seperating us. You would not have let that happen, you were the thing that tied our family together, linked everyone. I am being conceited, so selfishly brutal, yet I cannot help fearing those horrible things. Death is now a part of me, and yet I still am petrified of it. It has swept you away into another realm, a place where I cannot go until my time has come. It has swept you away into another realm, a place where you cannot turn back, a place where you cannot leave. Death is irrevocable, cannot be undone. I fear the day where the memories of you will fly away, where I will no longer remember you mentouring me, shaping and molding me into the person I am now. I fear the day where the memories of you will fly away, where I will no longer be able to recall important events that we shared. You would not have wanted me to be so fearful of so many things, but I cannot help it. From this fateful experience I have learned to cherish life. I do not want to be robbed once more of such an extraordinary gift, and would very much so like to keep hold of my hoard of things. I remember so many things about you, so many things that I do not want to lose, to forget. I remember you cherising all the moments that we had together, enoying my company. A few months ago life without you was looked upon as a joke by myself and others. We could not even imagine that you could be gone, we could not even imagine that you would leave us so soon. You were so strong, so yourself, so alive and vibrant, that we could not picture you lying in a wooden casket. I hardly thought of the future, especially the future where you were not there; I wish I had spent more time with you, talking about life, talking about everything. I thought I would never have to think about life without you, that you would forever be by my side, holding my hand and counseling me. You can no longer offer your guidance, only by leeway of memories engraved into my mind; I fear that the marks that you have made upon me will fade away. I fear death, for it whisks away the essence of a person, the breath of a person, and their soul. I fear death, for it stole you away from me far too soon. Although I fear many things, one thing I will never fear is that my love for you will diminish. I will always love you regardless to whether I remember every detail of you; you were a part of me, such a grand role in my life. I could never forget the significance and impact you held over me. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 142 [topic] => 48 [informant] => cocacola1331 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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