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Array
(
[sid] => 61593
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Drunken, haunted and suicidal.
[time] => 2004-08-27 15:32:25
[hometext] => This is what happened the other day. I just lost control of my-self... I saw things chasing me and i got all the voices again. I freaked! Then uniform was called and I was detained under Mental Health Act again... for the 4th time in the last 3 months!
[bodytext] => Coated by dust I slowly choke. Rotting in rust the voices poke. Broken by trust my emotions smoke… Closed eyes reveal more pain. Eyed open see more VERBAL stains. And my head of white is soon turned black. But I’m not the type to fall straight back. So I fight for nothing at all, But to stop the illusions and stop the calls. Because I can’t stay in broken walls. And if I continue I’ll always fall. So I drink some alcohol to flush away the noise, Only to find that it never dies, Then my head starts to scream back saying “I want to fly”, “*-all you demons, it’s time for me to die”. Yet no body hears they just walk away. But still the endless voices play, Until I lose my right of way, And then I snap because I still can’t escape. So I lose control and run round screaming, And I’m NOT hallucinating, I’m NOT dreaming. I know because I open my eyes, and yet I’m still seeing, And they’re following me, my name they’re calling. So I freak out and let that fact be known! “I’M A FREAK!” I shout, “INSANITY’S MY HOME!” “THANKYOU GOD, FOR THIS ***** CURSED LIFE”, “THANK YOU ALL THOSE THAT CURSE ME TOWARDS KNIVES”. I’m listening to my-self, Feeling quite alarmed. Is this me talking? Or my talking scars down my arm. I don’t know, I just want to self-harm!! So I do that with the sharpness of my nails, Because I can’t quit, I can only fail. And that very truth, twists with my head. So I head for the roof, so I can jump and be dead. Yet I am found, by this security guard. He grabs hold of me and squeezes my arms. And I don’t fight back because I don’t have the strength, All I own are my memories left! [comments] => 1 [counter] => 165 [topic] => 59 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => psychoticpoems )
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