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Array ( [sid] => 59493 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Goodbye [time] => 2004-08-09 15:07:33 [hometext] => This is about my dad, no planning, i just got on and typed. My cousin friends is writing this. [bodytext] => The sorrow my soul feels
when i think of you
the trauma and pain you caused

The hate you filled my body with, that you so willingly put in
The torture to my soul you pounded into me,
All the abuse you caused

I used to love you, i really did
you were always there
to turn me away from love
to use God to make yourself look pure

Your blood is thick as oil, and oozes from your heart
Your mind is corrupt and evil
tough you i do not blame
it is the mother of the child
that is to point to point the finger

could it be , you too were abused
you too live a tourtured life?
No, you were blessed with good life
children even.

When i look up upon you in my mind
my heart fills with rage
the rage that i had to live in a broken
distressed family

You laugh at us in our trouble
and offer us no help
I think of you and cry

I am the only one with any love left for you
my father

it is sad,
That person brought this upon himslef.

i write you a letter a day,
but never do i send them

if you get help i will try
try to tell my soul to forgive

I want to tell the world,
I want to scream it to the universe

but i wont

i will still keep

our little secret... [comments] => 3 [counter] => 166 [topic] => 6 [informant] => Seikjo [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 2 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )

Goodbye

Contributed by Seikjo on Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 03:07:33 PM in AEST
Topic: AngryPoetry

The sorrow my soul feels
when i think of you
the trauma and pain you caused

The hate you filled my body with, that you so willingly put in
The torture to my soul you pounded into me,
All the abuse you caused

I used to love you, i really did
you were always there
to turn me away from love
to use God to make yourself look pure

Your blood is thick as oil, and oozes from your heart
Your mind is corrupt and evil
tough you i do not blame
it is the mother of the child
that is to point to point the finger

could it be , you too were abused
you too live a tourtured life?
No, you were blessed with good life
children even.

When i look up upon you in my mind
my heart fills with rage
the rage that i had to live in a broken
distressed family

You laugh at us in our trouble
and offer us no help
I think of you and cry

I am the only one with any love left for you
my father

it is sad,
That person brought this upon himslef.

i write you a letter a day,
but never do i send them

if you get help i will try
try to tell my soul to forgive

I want to tell the world,
I want to scream it to the universe

but i wont

i will still keep

our little secret...

Copyright © Seikjo ... [ 2004-08-09 15:07:33]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Goodbye (User Rating: 1 )
by Katie2008 on Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 04:05:27 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Don't think you're the only one.

Re: Goodbye (User Rating: 1 )
by yellow_sundragon on Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 05:01:26 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

A beautiful poem and a tribute, giving voice to many children whom do not speak out... cudos

Jaime

Re: Goodbye (User Rating: 1 )
by MariusSurleac on Wednesday, 17th June 2009 @ 05:14:33 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

First of all I think your poem needs a bit more attention. You have expressions like: "tourtured" - correct would be "tortured" and "himself" instead of "himslef".

Anyhow you seem to have some imagery there but doesn't sound too much as poetry because you pay more attention to the storying instead of poetry elements. I suggest some figures of speech, some expressive elements as well.

Also the connection between you and the person this poem was addressed seem quite wiped out. Would more helpful to make it clear.

Simplicity will help.

Hope you don't mind.

Best wishes,
Marius

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