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Array
(
[sid] => 54129
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
[time] => 2004-06-29 12:06:34
[hometext] => I Apologize To All My Family & Friends !!!
[bodytext] => I’ve fallen short on the plans I had
It seems I’ve fallen short on everything
It’s strange to be who you don’t want to be
And do things that you would never once even dream.
I've been talking about taking my life for awhile now.
I've even talked to several people about it
but they never really understood why.
Well when your as sick as I am you'll do anything.
If that means trying to take your life then you'll try it.
But ..........Don't get me wrong.........
I’m ashamed at myself for what I've done
My childhood self would smack me in the face
For doing things like that in the first place
trying to take my own life would
never have crossed my mind.
If things hadn’t been the way they are today.
I'm suffering from alot and don't know how
to deal with everything anymore.
My life fills so empty and alone
I've done nothing but kept the faith
but failed everything at that too.
Seems like I'm a big failer at everything.
Now I’m stuck with a horrible memory
I have to live with what I did all my life now.
I'm the one that will always look back at what I did.
If my grandparents ever knew this side
They would fall over in disgust and shame
I now hate myself and my decisions that I had made.
For causing my family and friends this much pain
And my heavenly father above !! I just hope he
will forgive me if the rest won't. It was a stupid decision
I made on my own noone made it for me.
And now I'm the one that has to live in misery
and suffer from what I tried to do.
I've learned from all this no matter how bad
or how hard things are in life never think killing
yourself is the answer cause its not.
No matter how sick you are never look towards
a bottle of pills or a barrel of a gun or pistol for away out
cause It will not solve anything only makes it worse.
I know I shouldn't have really showed my face here
again but I just wanted you all to know one thing..
I promise this will be my last poem here take care
and remember I will always think of you all that has
inspired me to be a better writer.But I think its time to give it up.
I can't find a better site than this one but most of you
probably don't won't me around anymore so I won't bother.
... I'm so very { Sorry }
I never meant to hurt my friends or family.
Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.
Fill free to say what you have to it won't hurt
me no more than I already am. And it sure
can't make me feel no worser than I already do.
[comments] => 7
[counter] => 375
[topic] => 50
[informant] => AnGeL_M
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 15
[ratings] => 3
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => ApologyPoetry
)
I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
Contributed by
AnGeL_M
on
Tuesday, 29th June 2004 @ 12:06:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
ApologyPoetry
|
I’ve fallen short on the plans I had
It seems I’ve fallen short on everything
It’s strange to be who you don’t want to be
And do things that you would never once even dream.
I've been talking about taking my life for awhile now.
I've even talked to several people about it
but they never really understood why.
Well when your as sick as I am you'll do anything.
If that means trying to take your life then you'll try it.
But ..........Don't get me wrong.........
I’m ashamed at myself for what I've done
My childhood self would smack me in the face
For doing things like that in the first place
trying to take my own life would
never have crossed my mind.
If things hadn’t been the way they are today.
I'm suffering from alot and don't know how
to deal with everything anymore.
My life fills so empty and alone
I've done nothing but kept the faith
but failed everything at that too.
Seems like I'm a big failer at everything.
Now I’m stuck with a horrible memory
I have to live with what I did all my life now.
I'm the one that will always look back at what I did.
If my grandparents ever knew this side
They would fall over in disgust and shame
I now hate myself and my decisions that I had made.
For causing my family and friends this much pain
And my heavenly father above !! I just hope he
will forgive me if the rest won't. It was a stupid decision
I made on my own noone made it for me.
And now I'm the one that has to live in misery
and suffer from what I tried to do.
I've learned from all this no matter how bad
or how hard things are in life never think killing
yourself is the answer cause its not.
No matter how sick you are never look towards
a bottle of pills or a barrel of a gun or pistol for away out
cause It will not solve anything only makes it worse.
I know I shouldn't have really showed my face here
again but I just wanted you all to know one thing..
I promise this will be my last poem here take care
and remember I will always think of you all that has
inspired me to be a better writer.But I think its time to give it up.
I can't find a better site than this one but most of you
probably don't won't me around anymore so I won't bother.
... I'm so very { Sorry }
I never meant to hurt my friends or family.
Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.
Fill free to say what you have to it won't hurt
me no more than I already am. And it sure
can't make me feel no worser than I already do.
Copyright ©
AnGeL_M
... [
2004-06-29 12:06:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Tuesday, 29th June 2004 @ 12:14:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I don't think you should leave but...
Very powerful. Very emotionl.
Good write.
I hope you can work it out though. You are a very good writer. |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Laurel126 on
Tuesday, 29th June 2004 @ 12:16:08 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| this poem is really good...the ending is so true...killing yourself wont solve anything..or trying to...but gurl dont give up hope u are a good writer and you shouldnt give it up..writing poems is a good way to explain your feelings..when you think no one even cares or bothers to listen..if you ever wanna talk you can email me at softballgurl89@msn.com....just dont give up..tomorrow is always another day! |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 29th June 2004 @ 12:55:43 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Personally I think you should stay and just face the music and work on your poetry as a catharsis for helping you work it all out. It is your decision, but why make yourself more miserable by leaving somewhere you love and all your friends. I wish you the best no matter what your decision is.
Smiles,
Rita |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by loveisendless on
Tuesday, 29th June 2004 @ 09:12:10 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
DON'T GIVE UP & DON'T LOOK DOWN! LIVE
WITH WHAT LOVE YOU STILL HAVE AROUND!! GIVING IN TO TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT IS ALOT LIKE LIVING IN SIN WITH YOURSELF!!! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT OF WHAT I KNOW ABOUT YOU!!!! IF YOU REALLY SUCK AT POETRY & EVERYONE HERE HATES YOU . . . . . THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS MANY READS & COMMENTS?!!!! TAKE CARE & GOD BLESS YOU~OH, & SMILE!!!!!!
DAN!!!!!!! |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Tuesday, 6th July 2004 @ 10:15:45 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Oh please stay......we would miss you in every way! We are all very imperfect, but you are so hard on yourself.........He will forgive in a Great Big Way! And so should you! Just give it to him and leave it there....never look back......but don't leave the site.......we love you too much!
lovingcritters
consue |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dizza_13 on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 08:09:00 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| angel i dunno if u still remember me. But i remember u, ill never forget u angel. ill always keep u close 2 my heart. Ur a great person. |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hurretje on
Thursday, 23rd September 2004 @ 03:51:44 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Please, don't go! Your poetry is too much a contribution to this site!
Hugs,
Hur |
|
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 5th January 2005 @ 03:16:10 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hey there girlfriend,
I missed it when u posted this. Had I known you posted this I would have been the first to say u write like a professional and your comments bring joy to all that are graced them.
I know u remember what I said in an email.
Girl don't let Satan cheat u out of your joy. Jus realize that we luv u un conditionally.
Wonna see some knew stuff.
Yeah months back Rick ask about u.
Let us know something girl.
We luv u.
emy
It takes guts to admit ones mistake. I would never hate u for trying suicide 'cause years back I did a few things 'cause i was so cold inside but thank God he didn't wont me yet.
or u either. |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Somnium on
Saturday, 1st April 2006 @ 06:44:55 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I think you write beautiful poetry and
I agree with the person who said dont let satan cheat you out of your joy
Your a beautiful person
remember jesus said
I have come that you may have life, and HAVE IT IN ABUNDANCE
keep the faith
Ben |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Monday, 3rd April 2006 @ 03:36:08 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| You may never read this but i know how you feel. It is hard to pick up the pieces from mistakes you have made and life seems hopeless. I hope you don't give up. Life does have a lot to offer you. I hope to read new poems by you when and if you come back. CYA |
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Re: I'm ~ A ~ Total ~ Screw ~ Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 11th October 2007 @ 05:07:08 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Girl,
If you are still out there please let me know.
I wonder about you a lot.
did you beat the cancer?
I still luv u , my dear friend.
big huggs, mucho luv, wondering,
emy |
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