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Array
(
[sid] => 53608
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => the thing that stops me
[time] => 2004-06-24 23:50:25
[hometext] => i wrote this a while ago.. when i was datin my ex mike and these things i thought were true..but i found out he was cheating on me and only using me for sex.. THAT *****!!! so in the end.. i had no reason to remain alive
[bodytext] => calmly i work on my heart shaped pot not much on my mind just concentrating on my work within a split second urges tear away at me thoughts of depression discomfort and sorrow moments ago i was cheery and joyful now i want so bad to leave this world i take the needle point and check the tip slowly i shove it into the palm of my hand i keep pressing down until i see blood pouring one girl gets tearful and utters for me to stop i love the feeling of the needle in my hand the blood i see flowing out gives me pleasure i want so bad to slice my throat cut away until i live this life no more she mumbles something about the one i love instantly the tool drops out of my hand it crashes on the desk creating a commotion people glance at me but turn away quickly everyone ignores me except for the one with teary eyes she continues to watch my every move intently new thoughts fill my head, thoughts about him how much pain he would be in after the news i cant do that to him i love him too much i go back to making my gift look nicer and smoother painful thoughts still creep upon me and haunt me i cant change these feeligs but i must control my actions i push the thoughts down and hide them until another time [comments] => 1 [counter] => 163 [topic] => 55 [informant] => deadbloodyrose [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => dedicatedpoems )
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