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Array
(
[sid] => 53414
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Moving On (#1)
[time] => 2004-06-23 21:05:12
[hometext] => *** holder and I agreed to a challenge of sorts... we decided to use the same opening lines and separately create the remainder of the poem. Here's what I did with it... holder's will follow. (Feel free to give it a try yourself!) ****
[bodytext] =>
Escaping from the darker side
Eyes twitch open - open wide
Nightmare averted, a narrow miss
And all that's left is this...
An empty room, a hollow place
A distorted, desperate, lonely face
And with a knowing, a despair
A heart’s exposed, a soul is bared
Teardrops fall, blurring reality
Stumbling, drowning in inability
Alone and scared, despondent now
The victim of a broken vow
Her world collapses, tumbles in
Trapped there by the horrid end
Of hope and love and future tense
Uttering, stuttering sheer nonsense
And then a vision, becoming clear
Someone, timidly, is coming near
Another desperate, lonely face
Silently, shyly, the two embrace
Their teardrops fall together then
Two hearts a bit less broken when
Fears and tears are shared that night
Together now, they await the light
[comments] => 14
[counter] => 199
[topic] => 61
[informant] => Silent-No-More
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 39
[ratings] => 8
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => selfstruggles
)
Moving On (#1)
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 09:05:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Escaping from the darker side
Eyes twitch open - open wide
Nightmare averted, a narrow miss
And all that's left is this...
An empty room, a hollow place
A distorted, desperate, lonely face
And with a knowing, a despair
A heart’s exposed, a soul is bared
Teardrops fall, blurring reality
Stumbling, drowning in inability
Alone and scared, despondent now
The victim of a broken vow
Her world collapses, tumbles in
Trapped there by the horrid end
Of hope and love and future tense
Uttering, stuttering sheer nonsense
And then a vision, becoming clear
Someone, timidly, is coming near
Another desperate, lonely face
Silently, shyly, the two embrace
Their teardrops fall together then
Two hearts a bit less broken when
Fears and tears are shared that night
Together now, they await the light
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2004-06-23 21:05:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by holderofthestone on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 09:13:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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ok WOW.... im gonna have to say that I like where you went with yours a whole lot more. your words are always ...captivating doesnt do it justice. You always capture such honest emotions when you write. A+++++ incredible job here.... well worth the wait!!!!
always in awe... |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 09:14:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
A very well written poem (imho)
lovely to see a happy ending to a sad story
looking forward to seeing holder's take....
what were the words you went off? |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 09:15:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| i'm at a loss--absolutely incredible in all respects * |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 09:20:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| holy crap...I like this a lot! You're awesome ^_^ |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 09:49:42 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Marvelous SNM. Total devastation to caring sharing surrender. I love it.
Smiles,
Rita |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 10:15:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
sounds like you both had a lot of fun, ill read holderofthestone's poem next, this is brilliant and so sweetly beautifully written, sad then the happy ending, your talent shines:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueheart on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 10:15:55 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow, you guys have intresting challenges.
I liked this a lot, very sad and a tinge of lonliness. I loved every line in the poem but these were my favorites -
Their teardrops fall together then
Two hearts a bit less broken when
Fears and tears are shared that night
Together now, they await the light
Good job!! |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheLastStringCut on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 10:33:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| That was wicked. Great write. Sorta makes me realize how untalented I really am. I wish you were my daddy. Awesome. |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 24th June 2004 @ 06:55:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
wow, this is just as amazing as holders piece :)
pixie xx |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 24th June 2004 @ 09:05:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
always love a happy ending.
Wonderful job snm |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by thumper on
Thursday, 24th June 2004 @ 10:46:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Haven't read Holder's yet but this was absolutely amazing! Great write. Write on, Silent.
Thumps ; 0 ) |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 01:28:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Just I am melting with their sighs and moving with their tears ..good flow.
venkat |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 30th June 2004 @ 07:57:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
This is very moving. And the language, especially in the first descriptive stanzas, is very vivid. Bravo, this is great!
Andrew |
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Re: Moving On (#1)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 12th May 2006 @ 09:53:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow, this really touched me. I don't know, maybe because of what I'm going through now and being a "victim of a broken vow" myself (who absolutely did not want that divorce but really....is doing much better now in that aspect of my life). All for the better, I guess, huh? If someone doesn't want you, I mean like what the ****.
"Uttering, stuttering sheer nonsense" Wow, been there.
And I really love the way it twists to new hope by the fifth stanza. Awesome, Snemma. :-)
Yep, life moves on.
Timber
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