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Array
(
[sid] => 51053
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Angst
[time] => 2004-06-08 22:48:33
[hometext] => I had to write this or kill someone. I felt much better afterwards, but I am still saddened by the necessity of its existence.
[bodytext] => Why do I feel like crying? I shake with my suppressed tears My face is stone- impassive My gut holds all my fears It twists with hidden turmoil My hands are trembling, unsteady A killing weight upon my chest -Despair chokes me. Why do I feel like crying? I sense no other heart beating I am alone, even with friends I love, but few, and I am loved, but by few And still I Hate It is ugly- It eats me away inside This dark thing crouches and snarls and waits and creeps and hides and salivates a patient panther, it hunts Remorseless- it feels no shame but I do, but not always Why do I feel like crying? Catharsis- Mommy, make it go away but you cannot, the trust is gone unwittingly was I betrayed It was Him who taught me to Hate Why do I feel like crying? I have held it to me too long, hugged it to me too long, clutched it too me too long, lived with it, and him, too long Why won’t you make it go away? It hurts, to learn of humanity, and not only one’s own It hurts, to live with hatred and fear for love It hurts in my soul- yet I live still But for how long? I am twisted, scarred, tainted, stained, and though I have made my peace with the darkness inside balance is elusive, and it slips through my grasp Still am I shadowed, apathetic and alone Why do I feel like crying? What is wrong with me? Do you love me? Please Lighten my spirit with laughter Brighten my heart with bliss Soothe the pain inside my soul- For I am tired of being alone. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 175 [topic] => 48 [informant] => HellsLibrarian [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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