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Array
(
[sid] => 46354
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => More Than Crystal-Clear
[time] => 2004-05-05 23:28:46
[hometext] => I see my scars, and sometimes wish for them to be gone. Other times I hold them close. The canvas here is my skin.
[bodytext] => It seems every day it's just beneath the surface. A longing, screaming, pleading, to be released upon this canvas; this not so crystal-clear canvas. And it seems that every day I persevere just makes it scream louder, argue more convincingly; longing for this not so crystal-clear canvas. And I push it away. Push it from me. And I pray it won't stay. Stay away from me. Please don't grip tighter, this not so crystal-clear canvas. It makes the tears stream down my face, it makes the thoughts come lightning pace. It claws, gropes, at this not so crystal-clear canvas. And as it's ripping, tearing, shredding, I cry; because it's no longer a crystal-clear canvas. And I push it away. Push it from me. And I pray it won't stay. Stay away from me! Please don't grip tighter, this not so crystal-clear canvas. Remember that pristine white beauty, that shining innocence? Remember how it once used to be, see what its become since? It used to be a crystal-clear canvas; honest it did. Remember that glowing freedom, that sparkling sheen? Remember how it was, so fresh, so new; so clean? It used to be a crystal-clear canvas; honest it did. And I push it away. Push it from me. And I pray it won't stay. Stay away from me! Please don't grip tighter, this not so crystal-clear canvas. A hopeless future, a past filled with doubt and fear; searching for something somewhere to somehow make it clear, make it a crystal-clear canvas. Searching for something to replace, repaint, renew; this hopeless future, this past with no clue, how to make it a crystal-clear canvas. Push it away. Push it from me. Pray it won't stay. Stay away from me! Please don't grip tighter, this not so crystal-clear canvas. Pray for a claim, pray for a cure, pray for a paint to cover over this thing so unpure, pray for something to make it crystal-clear. Answers so far, prayers so unheeded flowing from ragged lips; hopelessly listening to such a claim as to refill life's dips, to recover the crystal-clear canvas. I can't push it away. Push it from me. And I pray it won't stay. Stay away from me! Please don't grip tighter, this not so crystal-clear canvas. A promise of new paint, brand new covers for this wretched being; promises, so many promises, what's the truth I'm seeing? Scream JUST MAKE IT CRYSTAL-CLEAR! No more reliance on self, no more hope placed in me; fall at the feet of the one who can see each mark upon this not so crystal-clear canvas. I can't push it away. Can't push it from me. And I pray it will stay. Stay here with me! Please change this, this not so crystal-clear canvas. A promise that some will see the raggedness, some the clear; and for you at times to see both without fear. This more than crystal-clear canvas. A promise of truth, of help to heal the longing, the fear, the screaming, hope left over for hopeful dreaming, for a more than crystal-clear canvas. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 188 [topic] => 32 [informant] => waos [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )
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