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Array
(
[sid] => 44462
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Attempt at Suicide
[time] => 2004-04-23 13:17:28
[hometext] => I feel like SOME ONE has to know what really happened. I was a bit hesitant to post this... I think I'll feel beter after I write it... By the end of this I was shaking.
[bodytext] => No one knows how long I've been drifting. No one knows the pain I feel. I don't even know why I'm sad. It's late at night, I make the decision. I'm going to die tomorrow. I write my friend, saying good bye. At four in the morning, I hear a male voice that I haven't heard in a long time. It's her father and I hear sobs in the background. She comes on the phone and cries and begs. I'm too tired to think, I sound like a child. I lie to her and tell her I won't do anything. I go to school like it was any other day. But for me, it's different. The tests I take that day won't matter. I will never look upon these people again. Silently, I say goodbye. Silently, I fade away. It's half a day today, I get to go home early. I stop my ex half way up the stairs. I say I need to talk to him, but swallow all my words and courage. I muster up the strength when we get upstairs. I tell him that I'm going to end it all. He says he's been through this before, others he's none have done it too. I grab his arm and say goodbye. I walk down the stairs, I walk down the streets I will never see again. The walk feels like an eternity to my house. My mind is rather blank. I'm completely numb. I turn the key in the lock to my house. I walk through the door. I write my last poem, I say goodbye to my friends online, that is, what few I have. I promise them I will only slit once, to see if it's meant to be. I turn off the computer, and walk downstairs. I hug my pets, they've always been there. I walk into the kitchen, I look for a sharp knife. I find one and try it out. It leave a beautiful prick. I take the knife and slit my wrists, each once. But the cuts don't bleed enough. I break my promise, and slit again. Then more and more. My wrists still won't bleed. I sink down, resting against the cabinets. I'd cry, but I am incapable. So I weep inside, and wish to die. I try to prevent the cuts from clotting, to make them keep bleeding. I dab them with tissues to keep the blood flowing. I try to mix the blood with water, to try and make them flow. But it wasn't meant to be. I flush the tissues down the drain, trying to keep it a secret. I go online, telling my friends that I failed, that I was to dumb to even kill myself. My mom comes home, and acts like every thing's fine. But she knows. My ex told a counselor who call my mom, she set up a meeting with a help center. If only I hadn't gone. That night, after the meeting, we eat a small dinner, neither one of us is very hungry. That night, was the longest and hardest night of my whole life. [comments] => 7 [counter] => 276 [topic] => 36 [informant] => WorthlesSanity666 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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