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Voices (Revised)
Contributed by
JadedExistence
on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 06:53:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
People screaming, running out the door Blood flowing on the floor Someone finished with all the lies Shots are fired and people die
Won't stop 'till everyone is dead Voices whispering in his head He'd do anything to stop the pain Pulls the trigger again and again
Inside, broken bodies thrashing Outside, police lights flashing Bullet casings cover the ground It's finally over, blood all around
Seeing the blood, his mind is cleared Looking around, the voices disappeared Placing the gun against his head Pulls the trigger, thinking of the blood he shed
Copyright ©
JadedExistence
... [
2004-04-18 18:53:18] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 ) by lil_angel on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 07:46:45 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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| GREAT JOB! i didnt see the first one but i like this one! |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 ) by Kie on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 08:09:35 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Perfection. Very good poem.
Kie |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 ) by bobotheclown on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 10:47:54 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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oooh nice and refreshing poem... I d unno if I liked this poem better than the previous one but they were both great.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 ) by MoonlitAngel on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 01:10:16 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Ooh, I like... to be honest, I think a little more description and imagery would make this even more effective, but great write nonetheless!
~ Moonlit |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 ) by parkman on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 12:08:32 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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| excellent poem, voices get the blame for many a thing, most enjoyable |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 ) by arden on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 06:45:46 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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ohhh dark and creepy. i love it.
well done. i really enjoyed it. great work keep it up.
Arden |
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