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Voices (Revised)
Contributed by
JadedExistence
on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 06:53:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
People screaming, running out the door
Blood flowing on the floor
Someone finished with all the lies
Shots are fired and people die
Won't stop 'till everyone is dead
Voices whispering in his head
He'd do anything to stop the pain
Pulls the trigger again and again
Inside, broken bodies thrashing
Outside, police lights flashing
Bullet casings cover the ground
It's finally over, blood all around
Seeing the blood, his mind is cleared
Looking around, the voices disappeared
Placing the gun against his head
Pulls the trigger, thinking of the blood he shed
Copyright ©
JadedExistence
... [
2004-04-18 18:53:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_angel on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 07:46:45 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| GREAT JOB! i didnt see the first one but i like this one! |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 08:09:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Perfection. Very good poem.
Kie |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 10:47:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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oooh nice and refreshing poem... I d unno if I liked this poem better than the previous one but they were both great.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by MoonlitAngel on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 01:10:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Ooh, I like... to be honest, I think a little more description and imagery would make this even more effective, but great write nonetheless!
~ Moonlit |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by parkman on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 12:08:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| excellent poem, voices get the blame for many a thing, most enjoyable |
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Re: Voices (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 06:45:46 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
ohhh dark and creepy. i love it.
well done. i really enjoyed it. great work keep it up.
Arden |
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