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Array ( [sid] => 37057 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Stickup [time] => 2004-03-02 12:36:59 [hometext] => [bodytext] => vacant eyes as flat as the lake in July
reversal of fortunes he says
I do not question his motives
for pointing the gun at me
thinking I have more than he has
in my pocket sits a quarter
two dimes and three pennies
two maxed out credit cards
and a half eaten candy cane
leftover from Christmas
I wish I had more to give him
he looks lean and hungry
an old newspaper blows by us
a moment captured in slow motion
headlines covered in mud
it might be about us standing here
who knows what fortunes await
I hand him the contents of my pockets
he starts to laugh,
smiles at me with uneven teeth
as he turns the gun on himself
leaves me standing in his blood
looking guilty for not giving him enough

gmm2004 [comments] => 7 [counter] => 156 [topic] => 13 [informant] => merry [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 20 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Stickup

Contributed by merry on Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 12:36:59 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

vacant eyes as flat as the lake in July
reversal of fortunes he says
I do not question his motives
for pointing the gun at me
thinking I have more than he has
in my pocket sits a quarter
two dimes and three pennies
two maxed out credit cards
and a half eaten candy cane
leftover from Christmas
I wish I had more to give him
he looks lean and hungry
an old newspaper blows by us
a moment captured in slow motion
headlines covered in mud
it might be about us standing here
who knows what fortunes await
I hand him the contents of my pockets
he starts to laugh,
smiles at me with uneven teeth
as he turns the gun on himself
leaves me standing in his blood
looking guilty for not giving him enough

gmm2004

Copyright © merry ... [ 2004-03-02 12:36:59]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Stickup (User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 12:45:06 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I like the way you write, too. Nice stuff. Very nice stuff.
Stitch

Re: Stickup (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 12:47:21 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

woh! this is . . . hang on, let me find the word - erm, 'gritty'? No? 'powerful'? perhaps, 'realistically vivid'.
That's two words, but hell - you deserve them, man.
Was standin there, blood-spattered, with you.

Re: Stickup (User Rating: 1 )
by arden on Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 03:13:39 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

this was really cool. i like how it was written. really good write keep it up
Arden

Re: Stickup (User Rating: 1 )
by Quilted_rag_doll on Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 05:06:33 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Awsome! I like the way you wrote it, the style. Good wording, and nicely discribtive. A bit of emotion, and very detailed. I was brought right into in. And i loved the way you ended it. Amzaing poem, great job!

Auryn

Re: Stickup (User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 06:16:09 PM AEST
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Awesome write Merry ... your talent shines in this ... *daisies* Jan

Re: Stickup (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 11:16:24 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

~:*amazingly breathtakingly realistic!*:~
hugs n' love daisy*nessa
@->>->-

Re: Stickup (User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on Tuesday, 2nd March 2004 @ 11:50:17 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Gobsmacked.......There is no one who can tell a story like you. How anyone could read this and not leave a comment is beyond me. Spellbinding, intense, overwhelming write.

Roses at your feet for this.
A humbled Larry

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