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Array
(
[sid] => 36540
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I'M A MURDERER
[time] => 2004-02-27 03:50:34
[hometext] => The last saga of the stretch hose that tried to kill me...........
[bodytext] =>  I have to admit, my left leg didn't swell. My right leg, without the hose, full keg! It's the decisions that kill you, or propel. Crawled into bed with one hosed leg! "This has to be more simple than pulling them on? WRONG......Thigh elastic is stuck, doggone!! Out of bed, leg extended, pull hard toward floor... Gravity is tricky, release, and I hit the door! "ShhhhhMontie is sleeping I tell Toastie He will never view me again with stuck hosiery!" Talking to my faithful little critter, like I always do. "I can't awaken Montie, you're a dog, but I value you!" "Here Toastie can you take this end, it's "PullToy" time!" She cocks her head, playtime on the bed? nightime? "Come on girl latch on, pull with all your might Her expression, said it all..... "That's one of your nylons, are you sure it's all right?" Winnie ascends from under the bed when "PullToy" said," "Come on Winnie dear, have no fear, without dread!" Winnie grabbed the elastic top, Toastie did too! I anchored myself against the door, to pursue My back was turned, pulling................ the stocking stretching.......................... The immense strength of my critters, heel cleaving! Plastic tops have a way of tearing, when pulled by dogs. Unbeknownst to me, the tensions are released, unclogs!!! Winnie bangs the window, surprised Toastie let loose. Unexpected by me, direction? produces unloose Vamoose! In one split second I relived my short life before my very eyes! Thrown into the bathroom, straight....... as the crow flies! After examining the damage, hip, leg, neck, still in place. Surely the hose has been stripped from firm embrace? I switch on the light, it's attached, shredded end in the bedroom. Montie didn't even stop snoring, he's deaf to any Big Boom! I'm in shock, a lot, and just wanted to cry. But, that would bring Montie, and he needs his shuteye! That does it!!!!!!!!! Never again will I be so humiliated by hose! Limping quietly I grab the Kitchen Shears, dispose!!!! Ravagely, cutting, tearing, laughing, I'm insane with glee!!!! My psychotic tendencies emerge, "You dirty hose, you, tried to kill me!" "Leg Hose Free" giving the pieces to the dogs, condemn! They back up scared to death, poor dears, I think they thought those hose kicked them! Afterthought? "A blood clot may bloody well get me........... But when I'm buried, I'm goin' hose free!" Created by Cheri Cam LeBren February 26, 2004 "Shredded Smiles!" "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly!" Balzac [comments] => 9 [counter] => 253 [topic] => 7 [informant] => lovingcritters [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => HumorPoetry )
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