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Array ( [sid] => 31074 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Untitled [time] => 2004-01-08 12:04:07 [hometext] => 3rd post, first poem i ever wrote [bodytext] => This is the first poem I ever wrote, I don't rate it myself but thought I'd post it to see what you guys think, Its a bit morbid but never mind, here goes:

death is upon us
it will catch us all
there is no escape
you now know your fate

death is near
and holds nothing but fear
you will perish
to the pits of hell we shall fall

death is an eagle
calmly watching its prey
ready to stike in the dead of the night
are you ready to die?

death is a disease
a disease with no cure
destroying hundreds of souls
despair crawls accross their faces

you will die

told you it was a bit morbid, i know its got some tormented rhyming going on in there but as a first poem I found it really hard to write, an its pants. Read "Vampires Curse" I think I did a better job on that one. Thanks. [comments] => 5 [counter] => 165 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Empty_Soul [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Untitled

Contributed by Empty_Soul on Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 12:04:07 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

This is the first poem I ever wrote, I don't rate it myself but thought I'd post it to see what you guys think, Its a bit morbid but never mind, here goes:

death is upon us
it will catch us all
there is no escape
you now know your fate

death is near
and holds nothing but fear
you will perish
to the pits of hell we shall fall

death is an eagle
calmly watching its prey
ready to stike in the dead of the night
are you ready to die?

death is a disease
a disease with no cure
destroying hundreds of souls
despair crawls accross their faces

you will die

told you it was a bit morbid, i know its got some tormented rhyming going on in there but as a first poem I found it really hard to write, an its pants. Read "Vampires Curse" I think I did a better job on that one. Thanks.

Copyright © Empty_Soul ... [ 2004-01-08 12:04:07]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Untitled (User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 12:10:11 PM AEST
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its not bad, its very dark, and morbid as you say, and you write that with enthusiasm, which is all that matters, because subject or topic or tone of poetry isnt anything wrong, a long as the emotions are there, which in this poem, are.
Peace
Alec Fernandez

Re: Untitled (User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 12:10:54 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I forgot to write,
Good write!
Peace anywayz

Re: Untitled (User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 12:32:18 PM AEST
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There are ways to describe death, this is one way. You described it with good imagery. Dark indeed ;)

Re: Untitled (User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 07:13:41 PM AEST
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The image of death is like beauty.. it in the eye of the beholder.. and if i do say so myself you behold it quite well .. i love you use of imagery in this and combining it with the morbid effect and style of this write.. perfect

Luke

Re: Untitled (User Rating: 1 )
by fallen_eyes on Saturday, 10th January 2004 @ 07:06:49 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i like your poems where as luke rite bout life, me bout love and u about death pretty cool combo! luv ya t

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