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Array
(
[sid] => 26435
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => IT WAS NOVEMBER FOURTH
[time] => 2003-11-04 15:00:04
[hometext] => ......every time a phone rings.......every time the wind grows cold..........every time remembers....
[bodytext] => It was November 4th, 1990. It was 8:24 at night. It was past dinnertime. The bathroom floor was soaked from his bath. It was a weekend. It was Sunday. I was polishing my shoes. It was warm for November. I was coming right back. I thought it was someone else that was calling. They had been trying for twenty minutes. They couldn't do anything. I watched the phone fall from my hand and hit the floor. I didn't hear it. I heard myself say "OH MY GOD" over and over and over and over again. I heard him yell at me. I heard the baby cry. I heard him say "We'll be right there." I am in a tunnel now. I feel so cold. Empty. There is a smiling baby boy in front of me and I'm feeling empty. WHY? I walk into your room. It's too bright. It's too happy. I find myself outside on the lawn. I am wondering if I take the time to walk there if you'll still be here? All a mistake. All a cruel hoax. Screaming Crying Moaning I just want my baby. I just want my little girl back. Walking down the corridor to the place you rest. I see their faces. They've been crying. WHY? Have they lost their baby too? I go to you. That's not my baby. You won't wake up and I cannot keep you warm. I can't push back those hands and rock you when you were only a day old. You're not holding me back. How do I make it the same? Oh dear god somone change this back. Come back to me. Please......... This is not fair. Yousaid your good-byes but you never gave me the chance. Come back I'll make it better. I'll try harder. I'll love you more. Just come back. Now more people are here. They say I need to go home. They say I need to let you go. WHY? You are mine. I don't want to let you go. I'm not supposed to just let go. I cannot let go. Have they ever lost a little girl? Did they want to let go? Could they? Oh, now I am so very tired. I want to go with you. No one needs me but you. Who's going to need me now? I have no one. I'm not a mommie without you. THIS IS NOT FAIR!!! I don't like this. I've been your mommie for too long now. He's strong. He doesn't want me. Doesn't need me. You need me. I need you. Oh please don't go without me. Atleast take this pain away. Don't leave me here all alone. Please don't leave me alone with all this pain. [comments] => 5 [counter] => 144 [topic] => 39 [informant] => jaeann [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Grief )
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