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Array
(
[sid] => 24712
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => asylum of lost love
[time] => 2003-10-09 19:59:16
[hometext] => a bit of a double meaning in this scrawl
[bodytext] => she sat across the room from me shifting uncomfortably speaking in awkward spurts i knew then, that today was the day usually, she sat next to me holding me ignoring the social barrier of my straight jacket she would run her slim fingers through my hair and tell me of how much she missed me how much she wanted me back home how she knew that, any day now i'd be out of here and back home with her she always carried the conversation the catatonia of psychosis and the medication had rendered me mute and unresponsive but, i knew that soon enough it would happen and it looked like today was the day shortly after she arrived the uneasiness in the room grew too great for her so she just blurted it out, "i've met someone new honey, i'm sorry it's just that..." right about here, she started crying "...that, i'm so lonely i can't wait for you forever i'll still come and see you, sweetie" she looked me in the eye as she said this i heard her gasp i guess my drug glazed eyes went clear for a moment she saw inside me she saw in my eyes that i knew the truth this was the last time i would ever see her and she knew it too but, then i guess my eyes glazed over again because the shock drained from her face and she pressed on "you know i love you and i always will but, right now, i need more than you can provide you understand, don't you?" she reached out, as if to take my hand but then pulled back "anyway, i have to go we're going out to dinner tonight but, i'll be back tomorrow just like always" i saw the tears return to her as she tasted her own lie she stood and hugged me, just like always but not as tightly as before then, she kissed me, just like always but, not on the mouth her lips brushed my cheek, and that was it i looked up at her, and once more she saw inside me i tried to make her hear me to hear my thoughts to reach her one last time "DON'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS DON'T FORGET ME IN THIS PLACE I STILL LOVE YOU I'M TRYING TO GET BETTER PLEASE, PLEASE HEAR ME I LOVE YOU" she stared at me for a moment but, i knew she didn't hear the words that i screamed inside her fingers found my cheek one last time and she managed a smile beneath her tears "i love you, sammy" she whispered and then she turned and walked away i never expected to see her again so when weeks turned to months and the months to years her absence did not surprise me i spent my dwindling days descending further into the gaping maw of forgotten madness wondering what became of her wondering if she married if she had children if she ever thought of me i think that the worst pain is that the madness is even stealing her memories for, even when the rest of my mind broke down i still maintained her image in my mind remembering every detail about her and most of all, remembering how much i had loved her now, i find that her face is blurry her smile, seems painted on in my head i can't recall her voice and her name continually escapes me my final coherent thoughts were desperate pleas and wishes that i could go back that i could make it all right again that i could have one more chance to love her forever [comments] => 8 [counter] => 286 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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