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Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 11-June 06:04:07 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 22639
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => club meds #4
[time] => 2003-09-02 12:45:00
[hometext] => your other life
[bodytext] => we’d chat in the evenings just before going to sleep, about all kinds of things. how we’re all connected the lack of caffeine, joy of a cigarette, our spirit and dreams. you saw tears in my eyes asked me if i wanted to talk, i said no, so you let me cry, thank you. i did the same for you, good to cry sometimes, till you can’t anymore. you said you took xanex so long it turned toxic now you will have to try something else to stop the panic, and pounding heart, the shaking and the, so hard to breath, fear always the fear. and you’re leaving husband two of not yet a year, temper tantrums, bouts of anger and his need to control. got him demoted at work, but he mentioned this after you married him. and you took lots of xanex so you wouldn’t feel your heart beating fast and wild. take more, you wouldn’t shake you’d be able to breath, the fear of his temper numbed out by pills. and we’d talk in the evening before going to sleep, about all kinds of things. how we’re all connected the lack of caffeine, joy of a cigarette, our spirit and dreams. and the night before leaving before closing your eyes, you spoke my name softly, said you wanted to tell me of something you’d not really talked of before, that of you’re other life. you’d married young, had a son the year before i had mine, and two years later another son was born. one more son the next year, and that was it for you three boys are good. a year or so passed, and on an everyday morning, your husband went off to work you and the boys were asleep but your cat woke you up, something terribly wrong, god smoke in your room. you tore out of bed, and ran down the hall for the boys, but the smoke was too thick black smoke, you could not breath so ran for more air, but collapsed on the ground, and your three boys were dead. oh my god, i am sorry you have suffered such horrid, heartrending loss, all of your babies gone, the sorrow never leaves you, it’s part of your soul, but your husband denied you were not allowed to mourn, not allowed to speak their name or show their picture, you weren’t allowed to cry. he could not face the pain, so you lived in silence, your anguish held in. and you could not save them, oh god, you tried but collapsed as the smoke found your boys, and silently took their lives. no tears he shared, no comfort, but he took control of your tortured soul. and you died, but your life went on. bore four more children, who never knew of their brothers. it’s good that you have them. still, they can’t make up for the loss of your sons, or the sadness you bear. so you took lots of xanex then you wouldn’t feel your heart beating fast and wild. take more, you wouldn’t shake you’d be able to breath, your tormented soul would be numbed out with pills. now you’re off of the drug, and able to cry again, but panic returns to you breath slowly, keep control. but you’re heart races, you can’t move, you’re trapped from within, and you cannot breathe. you must let yourself mourn now not to forget, but you have to let go of the pain. open your heart to grieve for the loss of your children, your other life, your three baby boys. and you hugged your legs close to you. and you rocked. and you cried. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 257 [topic] => 21 [informant] => painted_echos [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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