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Array
(
[sid] => 18914
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Lost.
[time] => 2003-06-12 00:05:00
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Every action has me questioning. Who am I doing this for? Is this positive or negative. For myself...or because of them. Because of my insecurity. For the insurance of their acceptance. Or for my own happiness. Would i want this if not for them? What's wrong with me, what happened. Where are the days when i didn't have to ask. I'm changing, and i hate it. I don't cry, they've made me stop tearing. You told me to grow, so i did. It's too much...I can't take it. I'm confused. When do I know? When does self-love kick-in? I've tackled self-acceptance...or am i tackling? I've thought about it... Am i growing, or am i just dwelling. I feel stuck, i want to be who i admire. But i want to be happy, and ..myself. But i've lost who myself is. Who am I. Silly, I know who I am. I'm far from naive, far from oblivious. Just tell me, i leech off of your compliments. And i know you'll give them to me. But what of my flaws. Fail to give them attention. And i'll fail to notice. Why notice, if you don't. But I'm lost, and you reassure me. I'm no better, or special. Years ahead? I think not. I'm still young, and it hurts. I know thats why im having a hard time. Maybe that's just it, maybe they all have been right. I am what I am. I am young, shallow... oblivious... But i wish not. [comments] => 6 [counter] => 290 [topic] => 48 [informant] => sheep-says-baa [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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