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Array
(
[sid] => 184060
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Walked Past Your Grave Today
[time] => 2017-04-05 10:18:34
[hometext] => Struggling with forgiveness...is my heart so small?
[bodytext] => I walked past your grave today,
still to mourn the nothing that I feel;
sadness, loss, I know I should,
yet in your death, even now there/'/s naught to say;
you, composed of solid false, so very little real,
for me still a mountain/'/s pain,
squishing, squirming, ever so to feel.
Pigeons dropped this morn upon your stone,
a smeary splotch on Jesus in the eye;
like you, caring not what they befoul,
off on wing to stain all where they roam;
again, again, I anguish why
forgiveness gasps /'/neath memory/'/s moan.
I know you tried to be a mother;
proper, right these last twenty years,
in as much as one who could who never was,
Smothering pain in powder, pills;
then dawned a day I found my stumbling life
repeating yours in lurching buzz.
I damn you now as droppings in the rain
drooping gray and white;your chiseled stone,
as church bells peal, washing clean other graves
that on you no rain could ever atone.
I can/'/t relinquish, even now, bone deep beyond my soul,
the stain that/'/s left me, now a dad, like you, mother, quite alone.
[comments] => 10
[counter] => 169
[topic] => 23
[informant] => invierno
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => FamilyPoems
)
I Walked Past Your Grave Today
Contributed by
invierno
on
Wednesday, 5th April 2017 @ 10:18:34 AM in AEST
Topic:
FamilyPoems
|
I walked past your grave today,
still to mourn the nothing that I feel;
sadness, loss, I know I should,
yet in your death, even now there/'/s naught to say;
you, composed of solid false, so very little real,
for me still a mountain/'/s pain,
squishing, squirming, ever so to feel.
Pigeons dropped this morn upon your stone,
a smeary splotch on Jesus in the eye;
like you, caring not what they befoul,
off on wing to stain all where they roam;
again, again, I anguish why
forgiveness gasps /'/neath memory/'/s moan.
I know you tried to be a mother;
proper, right these last twenty years,
in as much as one who could who never was,
Smothering pain in powder, pills;
then dawned a day I found my stumbling life
repeating yours in lurching buzz.
I damn you now as droppings in the rain
drooping gray and white;your chiseled stone,
as church bells peal, washing clean other graves
that on you no rain could ever atone.
I can/'/t relinquish, even now, bone deep beyond my soul,
the stain that/'/s left me, now a dad, like you, mother, quite alone.
Copyright ©
invierno
... [
2017-04-05 10:18:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by JamesStockdale on
Wednesday, 5th April 2017 @ 11:40:21 AM AEST
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Beautifully sad, however a fine work of art........
I/'/ll leave it at that......... |
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by softerware on
Wednesday, 5th April 2017 @ 06:28:09 PM AEST
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A work of anguish that the past cannot be resolved and put aside. It keeps rising to be grappled with again, and the answers will not be found.
The wrongs of our childhood cannot be mended, the only power we have over the past is to forgive it. The unfairness against which we had no power is seen through the child/'/s eyes. We were victims.
It is not injustice that holds us, but our own denial. Accept the wrongs.Bestow upon them your reluctant but determined permission to have existed. They were defective; and you, in spite of all, have survived to tell the tale. You can afford to be gracious. And what better choice have you?
softerware
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by ming on
Thursday, 6th April 2017 @ 05:53:17 PM AEST
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Ahh pain. Your heart is fine. Your poem sublime.
ming |
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by alicewhite on
Friday, 7th April 2017 @ 04:02:34 PM AEST
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| I fear that grave as if its my own , and both fear and subconsciously know my children will feel the same about me when I go ,sad , I/'/m stuck in sadness too and can/'/t get out and be perfect like I m meant to no matter how much I subconsciously want to , easter killed me and 111 too |
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by RussellReinhardt on
Saturday, 8th April 2017 @ 11:58:22 AM AEST
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|
All I can say is I agree with Soft here. However penning it down is a step in the right direction my brother, beautiful and sad. Awesome write. God bless
Greetings
Russ |
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Saturday, 8th April 2017 @ 10:34:26 PM AEST
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| Deep emotional torture flowing on this one..... |
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by xHeathenx on
Thursday, 19th October 2017 @ 04:27:35 AM AEST
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| Wow Mike, I gotta say this was an impressive write. Quite possibly my favorite write of yours in regards to a //negative// emotional state. To forgive, to forget, to accept, a lot of this isn/'/t easy, and the difficulty in doing so here is palpable and near satiating the feeling of hunger for relating to our own pain. |
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by RussellReinhardt on
Wednesday, 3rd January 2018 @ 02:11:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hello Brother Mile
PM/'/s not going through please mail me. You have my gmail.
Greetings
Rus |
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by RussellReinhardt on
Wednesday, 3rd January 2018 @ 02:12:12 AM AEST
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Hello Brother Mike
PM/'/s not going through please mail me. You have my gmail.
Greetings
Rus |
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Re: I Walked Past Your Grave Today
(User Rating: 1 )
by Aurelia on
Wednesday, 16th September 2020 @ 10:05:17 PM AEST
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I am so glad you directed me to this. Besides its beautiful construction, it illuminates all of those complicated feelings when you are given a faulty parent. So badly wanting them to be who you need and felt you were promised, so badly wanting to believe they/'/ve changed and tried, but there/'/s still a hole where a parent should have been, and the person that they are is a round peg in a square parenting hole.
I also love the grave imagery. I think it/'/s a common fantasy for those of us who have endured this pain. I/'/d be lying if I said I/'/d never looked up how much bail money I/'/d need to deface a tombstone. |
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