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Array ( [sid] => 179544 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => All I have Now For You, Dad [time] => 2014-10-28 07:48:50 [hometext] => Still trying to cope with my youth. [bodytext] =>

Did you not being there change anything?
Me-
young, five or six...raped in the dog house
by the latest foster brother; object for the sick.
Pet rabbit twisted to circles round the cage..
long ago the embers of rage died
to smouldering resentment,
so many years...decades, now...
I ask myself if you had been there,
how would it have gone?
Would my virginity be intact before
attending my first class?
Would my belly not have distended for want,
my nervous twitch and clucking sounds of a
disturbed throat any less loud?
Dad (used ever so loosely), all I have now for you
is an imitation and falsity of love-
you didn't know, after all, that Mom would
drop me too- a trouble, an interruption
to a party life- first you leave a wife,
then a child...for what?
Good reasons, I'm sure you justify now,
but respect for the sperm of yours is all
holding check to silence and a dial tone.
I won't do to you what you did to me-
I won't leave you alone. [comments] => 5 [counter] => 266 [topic] => 75 [informant] => Invierno [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )

All I have Now For You, Dad

Contributed by Invierno on Tuesday, 28th October 2014 @ 07:48:50 AM in AEST
Topic: anguished

Did you not being there change anything?
Me-
young, five or six...raped in the dog house
by the latest foster brother; object for the sick.
Pet rabbit twisted to circles round the cage..
long ago the embers of rage died
to smouldering resentment,
so many years...decades, now...
I ask myself if you had been there,
how would it have gone?
Would my virginity be intact before
attending my first class?
Would my belly not have distended for want,
my nervous twitch and clucking sounds of a
disturbed throat any less loud?
Dad (used ever so loosely), all I have now for you
is an imitation and falsity of love-
you didn't know, after all, that Mom would
drop me too- a trouble, an interruption
to a party life- first you leave a wife,
then a child...for what?
Good reasons, I'm sure you justify now,
but respect for the sperm of yours is all
holding check to silence and a dial tone.
I won't do to you what you did to me-
I won't leave you alone.

Copyright © Invierno ... [ 2014-10-28 07:48:50]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: All I have Now For You, Dad (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 28th October 2014 @ 09:20:04 AM AEST
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When I read your poems on your mother and your wife, I was ready to answer under the terms of joy. But this felled me; over like a redwood. It doesn't change how I think of your writing. Your enthusiasm and fervour for writing is tangible, whether in tribute or catharsis. Your poem is, quite frankly, the most honest and moving that I've read in a long, long time. The concluding spirit of forgiveness sets you above the bar. I tip my hat to you, sir.

Re: All I have Now For You, Dad (User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on Tuesday, 28th October 2014 @ 01:16:43 PM AEST
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Strong finish, keep your chin up. A very emotive write, that goes without saying. A childhood never realized, I can relate all the way. I hope you continue to work through these traumas with the appropriate channels- counselling, writing, sharing with survivors, and distancing yourself from people who affect you negatively. You are important and I'm sorry you weren't protected at the time. I understand your pain, and can appreciate the emotions behind this poem. Great job, keep at it, and more than anything- BREAK THE CYCLE.

You got this. I'm a pm away, and please, I mean it. Take Care.

~Scorp

Re: All I have Now For You, Dad (User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on Wednesday, 29th October 2014 @ 09:46:48 AM AEST
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I know that was a tough write. I can relate to some of this. It is such a sad write, but with a glimpse of hope in that you are different than him.

Re: All I have Now For You, Dad (User Rating: 1 )
by RussellReinhardt on Thursday, 30th October 2014 @ 03:00:45 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hug

Mailed you

Greetings
Gert

Re: All I have Now For You, Dad (User Rating: 1 )
by deadreckoning1983 on Friday, 31st October 2014 @ 12:11:05 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

OMG, I had a similar experience growing up. I know exactly where you are coming from. Goosebumps after reading that ending brother. magnificently sad. I mourn for you and I applaud you. May you find the release from a tragedy that should never have happened. on a side note I like how you used your last name as your username

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