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Array
(
[sid] => 178404
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => so real i wept
[time] => 2014-05-27 14:59:08
[hometext] => a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. ~oscar wilde
[bodytext] =>
my heart- it races as i see him across the room
laughing at something the person is saying to him
far too long since i heard that charismatic voice
his back slightly turned from me- i see shoulder
sweet laughter sails about the room featherlike,
my soul- it cries to be acknowledged- heard
so why doesn't he turn? i am calling his name
over and over and over and over- here i am!
look at me! i love you! where have you been?
pay attention to me damnit- all others can wait,
my heart- the longing is tangible- painful even
why does he keep talking to other people i see
his hair long past shoulders waving in the breeze
i am drawn to him yet am unable to move feet
suddenly my heart stops- he is smiling at me,
my soul- it cries for his touch as he turns away
how could he i wonder falling in a heap to the floor
my mind in turmoil what to do- what to do- what-
he looked at me again- oh god he is coming over
i cannot wait- i can taste him- i know this bliss,
my mind- shatters into a million and one pieces
my chest constricts i am unable to freely breathe
there is a terrible pain in heart- soul- and head
this is not happening now- no no no no no no no!
a dream- and i am on the floor alone by my bed.
§* *§
*|*
[comments] => 15
[counter] => 720
[topic] => 14
[informant] => ladyfawn
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => DreamsandWishes
)
so real i wept
Contributed by
ladyfawn
on
Tuesday, 27th May 2014 @ 02:59:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
|
my heart- it races as i see him across the room
laughing at something the person is saying to him
far too long since i heard that charismatic voice
his back slightly turned from me- i see shoulder
sweet laughter sails about the room featherlike,
my soul- it cries to be acknowledged- heard
so why doesn't he turn? i am calling his name
over and over and over and over- here i am!
look at me! i love you! where have you been?
pay attention to me damnit- all others can wait,
my heart- the longing is tangible- painful even
why does he keep talking to other people i see
his hair long past shoulders waving in the breeze
i am drawn to him yet am unable to move feet
suddenly my heart stops- he is smiling at me,
my soul- it cries for his touch as he turns away
how could he i wonder falling in a heap to the floor
my mind in turmoil what to do- what to do- what-
he looked at me again- oh god he is coming over
i cannot wait- i can taste him- i know this bliss,
my mind- shatters into a million and one pieces
my chest constricts i am unable to freely breathe
there is a terrible pain in heart- soul- and head
this is not happening now- no no no no no no no!
a dream- and i am on the floor alone by my bed.
§* *§
*|*
Copyright ©
ladyfawn
... [
2014-05-27 14:59:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 27th May 2014 @ 10:50:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I hate waking from those kinda dreams too!!! This is definitely poetry in action. You took the reader into the dream with you. Brilliant! |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by dvtpdw on
Wednesday, 28th May 2014 @ 02:37:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Oh, how the dream's longing and sadness flows over into your words! The reader feels the overwhelming emotion of your words as you take us into the dream. Great write, P |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by speedy on
Wednesday, 28th May 2014 @ 07:13:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Great write.
Hannah B |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 28th May 2014 @ 08:24:55 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
The context is very sad, but you wrote this so wonderfully. You create/recreate a vivid scene for the reader, with the climax building with each line. The final line delivers like a rug being pulled from under ones feet. Very poetic.
~Scorp |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Thursday, 29th May 2014 @ 07:05:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
As sad as it is well written. Nice employment of heart, soul, heart, soul, mind.
This is so sad I'm having trouble saying anything other than that....so...mission accomplished on your end as poet, though even that is trivial next to the sorrow you feel. My wish (impossible) is that I had never read this poem from you, as there was never a need for you to write it. My tears mix.
Best,
Invierno |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Friday, 30th May 2014 @ 11:12:24 AM AEST
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Wonderful write, and yes dreams can take us to a whole different hope, and place.
brew~ |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Friday, 30th May 2014 @ 05:08:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Another captivating and compelling read.
I love the way you swirled the story around into its final crescendo.
Keep doing what you do best, creating emotions.
Steve |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by reprobate on
Saturday, 31st May 2014 @ 12:21:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Dearest Nessa,
I wish I didn't but I know this feeling but sadly, I do. Perhaps there should be some assertiveness training for people who don't speak. Some will go decades without uttering what they feel and yet, should.
This was definitely evocative and highly expressive.
Thank you for sharing this, dear lady!
Michael |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by JackM on
Sunday, 1st June 2014 @ 12:42:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I thought it was real too.
JM |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Friday, 27th June 2014 @ 09:07:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This pulled me in and tugged at mt heartstrings!! Great write, Lady!!
JenniK |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by colinb on
Thursday, 3rd July 2014 @ 02:36:09 AM AEST
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| beautifully written though sad |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd July 2014 @ 02:36:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| For me, this poem is just so wonderfully relatable! This is awesome! |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 7th January 2015 @ 05:58:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| You certainly draw the reader into your dream. Vividly descriptive. Just as the dream is about to be fulfilled as we should wish, it is turned to pain. That's sad, but the poem is delivered in style, with your ever-present passion. |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Sunday, 9th August 2015 @ 06:42:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
You're one hell of a poet.
Invierno |
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Re: so real i wept
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Monday, 7th September 2015 @ 06:32:27 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| What a turn of events and a sad one. I can relate to this. |
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