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Array
(
[sid] => 176535
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Am Who You See
[time] => 2013-07-15 13:48:14
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I've found myself looking in a mirror again criticizing everything that you say you love Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so they tell me And I wish I saw myself through your eyes through your beautiful eyes But what I see disgusts me through my own Its been said that you can never truly love someone without loving yourself first Then I don't know what to tell you, dear I've tried for years to love my own self, to be comfortable in my own skin but I find myself staring into a mirror again with the taste of disgust on my lips every time Inside of me I have found a heart that is not my own and I know I love you with every ounce of who I am But for some reason I stare at that mirror trying to see who I am I see a stranger pretending to be me a cold version of myself and I don't love it, not at all My mind is plagued with unhappy thoughts I try to push them out and fill my head with thoughts of you but it doesn't always work as I see myself plunging a dagger into my stomach as I vision myself dying and it being beautiful You ask me what is wrong as you look into my eyes, wondering what is going on inside of my mind And how can I tell you? I can't because if I let you see even that tiniest bit of a hint of the darkness found behind these eyes it would hurt you, and I don't want to do that I want to love you and protect you, even if from my own wandering mind I'd just love to see myself through your loving eyes I want to be the person you see me as but I'm afraid that I am not her I'm afraid my soul is tarnished my mind is self devouring and I cannot, for the life of me, see the outward beauty of myself that you see even though I want to believe I am who you see [comments] => 3 [counter] => 285 [topic] => 61 [informant] => the_unknown [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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