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Array ( [sid] => 158110 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Half Dead [time] => 2010-03-13 05:59:06 [hometext] => [bodytext] =>

I never wanted you to leave me,
Why did you have to listen to me?

You have left me empty all within,
Hollowness is making me feel nothing.

Tears ain’t stopping and you are missing,
Why is this heart still beating?

All I wanted was some love,
And I’m punished being alone..!

I don’t know why I still have this hope,
That you will take me and we’ll elope.

[comments] => 1 [counter] => 261 [topic] => 32 [informant] => Anu [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )

Half Dead

Contributed by Anu on Saturday, 13th March 2010 @ 05:59:06 AM in AEST
Topic: SadPoetry

I never wanted you to leave me,
Why did you have to listen to me?

You have left me empty all within,
Hollowness is making me feel nothing.

Tears ain’t stopping and you are missing,
Why is this heart still beating?

All I wanted was some love,
And I’m punished being alone..!

I don’t know why I still have this hope,
That you will take me and we’ll elope.

Copyright Â© Anu ... [ 2010-03-13 05:59:06]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Half Dead (User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on Saturday, 13th March 2010 @ 07:20:14 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I can see that some emotion inspired this. What intrigued me though is your second line. If he/she listened to you, why are they gone?

Perhaps you wanted him/her to stay, but told them to leave without meaning it? If that is so, for some reason I didn't catch on immediately, but perhaps that is a flaw of my own.

Also, in the second to last stanza, you ended an ellipsis with an exclamation point. Perhaps this punctuation is self-defeating? I don't know, that is a matter of opinion but I think it is worthy of comment.

Aside from those suggestions, it was pretty good. A straightforward expression of desire and internal conflict. It was nice.

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