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Array
(
[sid] => 155644
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Quiet.
[time] => 2009-12-05 17:31:26
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Some days you peek up at me through the mess I cover my eyes in abrupt resolve Licking at a wound that won't heal It won't heal I pull the covers over my head again and try to forget Nights when I peeled them back and crept out of bed so softly Down the hall to the bathroom, but didn't turn on the light I didn't want to risk waking you And felt the cold linoleum below my feet Toes shivered and sent prickling fear up my spine Quiet Shhh. I huddled by the toilet, rocking back and forth with my knees bent My arms locked over them to balance myself in front of the altar On nights when you slept sound I met with my maker in the dark and cold confines of a bathroom Whispered between sobs how hopeless I was Helpless, needy Until vomit exploded in spurts unto the altar I would have done other things, but you knew me Searched my arms for marks, looked, examined, scoured So I offered something else to satisfy my hurt Reached up and flushed once as to not alarm you The evidence spiraled away I ran the water in drops and brushed my teeth for a long time Then shook on the walk back to the bedroom Back to your prison, warden Remember, remember all the meetings I had with a divine being Bowed to my own self-loathing and wanting so much more Out, to be free To be worth something On nights when you slept sound I met with my maker and pleaded for life Pleaded for something more Or a demise, a resolve I built altars and offered sacrafices Unnecessarily To be worth something To be free I remember now, with you peeking up at me That I never needed anything more than me To meet with a divine being Here in the dimly lit room of a new life My eyes blink open and I peel back the covers Slide out of bed and listen to the sound of my knees hitting the floor Lips pressed together, tightly sealed And a new conversation hangs in the air I am not hopeless Not helpless Abba, divine maker I am no longer needy No longer worthless No longer Quiet. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 192 [topic] => 75 [informant] => weepingprophet [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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