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Array
(
[sid] => 150694
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Gossamer Dreams
[time] => 2009-06-12 16:53:15
[hometext] => I just wish I could sleep...
[bodytext] => For just a breath, a heartbeat, there is a silence that I can hide in. where no one will criticize this hypocrite that I have somehow become, and I can be free of these dark cold chains that hold me captive, from joy, from peace and from all the things that would allow me to live. Where I could rest, Just a little while, for I am weary and torn. A calm and quiet moment where no more pain can breach my walls. The blazing sun will set on a decadent cerulean sky dripping into ink, Until there is nothing but glittering diamonds set in an indigo net, that melds into an ebbing shoreline stretching endlessly beyond. And there, under the absence of all but moonlight and a lover’s breeze, I will lay naked and unreserved, bathed by that glorious glow, unapologetic for the way it will seduce me into a waking reverie. Because in my dreams, that is where I am free to be all that is left of me. Where I can scream and wail and beat my fists on the alter of fate, even if I come away bloody, my voice abandoned to impotent pleas for mercy, still, there I will not have to hide all that life has done to deconstruct me. And in my grandiose designs, there will be no soul-rending lies, No apathetic half-truths given by undeserving and unfeeling charlatans. Instead, I will close my eyes to what wounds me and I will instead see the faeries dancing and laughing freely, like innocent children, and not the condemnation that collects and chokes me with each day. Warm waters will lap at my feet, caressing and kissing them softly Despite all of the sins that I have walked away from reluctantly, And all the choices that were willingly made for the benefit of others. Because either way, they left my feet filthy and my hope stained, And if I am to survive at all, there must be a way to shed this tattered life. For here in this stillness of my own design, none of that matters. In these delicate gossamer dreams I can’t be broken, I am safe and intact. I do not bleed from my soul, or ache so greatly that the earth herself Trembles in reciprocity for what has shattered the heart of who I am. It took me far too long to arrive here, to find this desperate moment, and all of that lost time has cost me greatly, in faith and peace. If you have ever loved me, I beg of you now, let me sleep. Just let me sleep. [comments] => 5 [counter] => 492 [topic] => 75 [informant] => Loende [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 27 [ratings] => 7 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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