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Array ( [sid] => 149282 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Untill all the Stars Go Out [time] => 2009-04-21 10:35:12 [hometext] => [bodytext] => I will love you
As long as my lungs fill with air
To motivate my beating heart
To stir lifeblood through each part
Pulsating, animating there.

I will love you
As long as each new idea
Connects thought to tongue
Connects my mind along
Reasons for drawing you near.

I will love you
As long as the Earth will turn
Always to gently spin
Always a Day to begin
With you, for your love I yearn.

I will love you
Until Clouds are no more
Or Oceans evaporate,
Or Mountains disintegrate
Into pebbles on the seashore.

I will love you
Until the constant Moon
Makes no Oceans ebb and flow
Makes no Continents shrink or grow,
That day will be too soon.

I will love you
Until all the Stars go out
Never to give forth their light
Never to enhance the night
But blot our Eternity out…
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 226 [topic] => 2 [informant] => windowguy [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 7 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

Untill all the Stars Go Out

Contributed by windowguy on Tuesday, 21st April 2009 @ 10:35:12 AM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

I will love you
As long as my lungs fill with air
To motivate my beating heart
To stir lifeblood through each part
Pulsating, animating there.

I will love you
As long as each new idea
Connects thought to tongue
Connects my mind along
Reasons for drawing you near.

I will love you
As long as the Earth will turn
Always to gently spin
Always a Day to begin
With you, for your love I yearn.

I will love you
Until Clouds are no more
Or Oceans evaporate,
Or Mountains disintegrate
Into pebbles on the seashore.

I will love you
Until the constant Moon
Makes no Oceans ebb and flow
Makes no Continents shrink or grow,
That day will be too soon.

I will love you
Until all the Stars go out
Never to give forth their light
Never to enhance the night
But blot our Eternity out…

Copyright Â© windowguy ... [ 2009-04-21 10:35:12]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Untill all the Stars Go Out (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Tuesday, 21st April 2009 @ 02:01:44 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I like this. Usually the repetition would annoy me, but it didn't.

I like stanza four, because it really gives the impression of forever. The comparison to the mountains works really well, I cannot think of anything as ageless.

The last end is a pretty good conclusion to the poem, too.

There are a couple of things you could improve on. You have a lot of random capital letters in the middle of your stanzas, and you need to try and focus on not forcing rhymes. Also, check your spellings.

All in all, a good attempt.

Phil xxx

Re: Untill all the Stars Go Out (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Tuesday, 21st April 2009 @ 07:23:55 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

You captured a well written and beautiful write here.
Welcome to YPDC

Michelle

Re: Untill all the Stars Go Out (User Rating: 1 )
by Lilymaemax on Sunday, 3rd May 2009 @ 11:50:44 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is beautiful captures eternal love and hope.Well put love the idea in first verse of love motivating your heart to beat .Very powerful.Lilymae

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