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Array
(
[sid] => 146570
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Shadow
[time] => 2008-11-30 01:56:19
[hometext] => This is a two parter.. this being the first. Its a poem i wrote many years ago, when i felt like i was in a very dark place. The second part is entitled -Shadow's Fall
[bodytext] => All my life a shadow has chased me, All my life the darkness has surrounded. Choking I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak. Scared cowering in a corner, long dark nights. Spent alone in my mind, all alone in my mind. Voices and Laughter a million miles away, Away from the Darkness, in a place with smiles Happiness for me? So unreal, so incomprehensible. Loved ones? People you love? Vague ghost from a distant world. A different place, long long ago, not my world. My world of shadows and specters, My world of pain and suffering. Love? What is love? What is devotion? What is compassion? Words familiar yet so distant part of that other world you hear of. Family? The people that love you... relics of a world, A world lost to the pages of history. A world that never existed. In a room crowded with people, yet all alone in my mind. In my mind swirling in darkness these thoughts of hate. Waking up each morning wondering why am I still alive? Am I alive? Am I even here? A burning desire to have what others, What others speak of, things you read of in the pages of a book. To have someone to love, to have someone that cares. Just the occasional dream that interrupts all the nightmares. Each day a struggle to move on, wondering why I even try. Each day making a decision that perpetuates an even worse tomorrow. Will a day ever dawn when this suffering will end? Will it ever end? The torment and suffering is there a reason for it all? There is no answer no big secret to why. Every time I put my trust in someone, my loyalty to someone, My heart and soul to someone, I am betrayed. Girlfriends you say? I say everyone. Friends, Family, everyone. Everyone betrays, everyone lies, all are the same. All become part of my shadow. The shadow that chases me, haunts me each night. Trust in no one, Not even myself. For how could I? Even I betray myself, even I lie to myself. Now I have began to see the shadows in others. Expecting even those closest Even those people will lie to me and betray me. Is there anyone? Anyone I can ever trust and ever love? I don't believe so, one could easier believe Believe that a fictional story is true, than believe there is one decent person in this world. The shadow closes in soon it will devour all. Why not let it do so? What cause is there to fight it? What reason do I have? Just to give in and admit defeat? Is there even a way to win? What can one do to rise above this shadow? In my shadow there is no light, There is no hope, no chance of survival. All my life the darkness has surrounded, All my life the shadow has chased me. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 213 [topic] => 13 [informant] => LuciferXVII [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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