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Array ( [sid] => 144952 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Return To Graves Built By The Nuns Of Forgotten Religions [time] => 2008-09-05 18:53:39 [hometext] => Title has nothing to do with the poem. [bodytext] => Alone eyes stitched shut

Broken white teeth smile

In the night

I'd reach out to you

Call your name

The silence returned to me

Hollow echos of words never found

Cold grip on shoulders

Of forgotten children's screams

Scratching at the lies

Of wounds never healed

Follow to which was never bound

The simplest of emotions

Slicing at the black deep chaos

A pathetic mind pondering

The situations never profound

Oh the love

How I feel it now

Ripping the sanity

Of hatred formed to cover

Four simple words

Uttered through clenched teeth

"You are so broken" [comments] => 2 [counter] => 199 [topic] => 25 [informant] => Karlee14 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => MiscPoems )

Return To Graves Built By The Nuns Of Forgotten Religions

Contributed by Karlee14 on Friday, 5th September 2008 @ 06:53:39 PM in AEST
Topic: MiscPoems

Alone eyes stitched shut

Broken white teeth smile

In the night

I'd reach out to you

Call your name

The silence returned to me

Hollow echos of words never found

Cold grip on shoulders

Of forgotten children's screams

Scratching at the lies

Of wounds never healed

Follow to which was never bound

The simplest of emotions

Slicing at the black deep chaos

A pathetic mind pondering

The situations never profound

Oh the love

How I feel it now

Ripping the sanity

Of hatred formed to cover

Four simple words

Uttered through clenched teeth

"You are so broken"

Copyright © Karlee14 ... [ 2008-09-05 18:53:39]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Return To Graves Built By The Nuns Of Forgotten Religions (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 6th September 2008 @ 04:39:14 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

First of all I am perplexed. Why would you name a poem something that has nothing at all to do with the poem's content. I will never understand this trend. It's like selling a candy bar and then surprise it's a hamburger! My advice, stop doing this. It's weird. It's not original or an artistic expression. It's plainly, simply, and clearly stupid! Why not stick a fork in the microwave? Now that's a statement!

Anyway, the poem is magnificent which is sad because nobody who is religious or spiritual is going to read this (other than me because I am on a mission to read all the poems on the home page)

Your word choices are outstanding and the ending is magnificent! It is provocative, horrifying, dark, and deeply moving once it works to it's black conclusion. All the way it had me and I had to give it another read to experience it's effect again.

The only problem (other than the pointless title) is the spacing. It hurts the flow a bit and all in all it's also pointless. No need in spacing when the line breaks by itself.

Otherwise,

Fantastic!

SCM

Re: Return To Graves Built By The Nuns Of Forgotten Religions (User Rating: 1 )
by Alisteal_Rayne on Thursday, 18th September 2008 @ 05:03:48 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I love it. It's beautiful and thought provoking but i do not like the title or the spacing at all.

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