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The Stone that is your heart
Contributed by
robinkrystal
on
Sunday, 13th July 2008 @ 01:46:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
The stone that is your heart
Someone tried to carve you
Tried to tear you apart
Hurting you retreated
And made the
stone that is your heart
But I was not the artist
I do not deserve the blame
I was not the one
Who stoned you into shame
You built up your defenses
Stoned away your heart
Little do you know
I will tear the stone apart
Someone hurt you deeply
Scared away the beauty that is you
But I will unlock the secret
I will chisel you anew
My emotions the hammer
Swinging
My soul the chisel
Biting
Chipping away the pieces
Slowly unlocking the art
Chipping away the stone
That has become your heart.
A piece falls away
I get a glimpse of you
I hold the chisel tighter
My hammer rings strong and true
You try to push me away
I wedge the chisel deeper
You think stone makes you strong
It only makes you weaker
The layers crack and fall away
A tear falls from your face
Your emotions free now
Not hiding in disgrace
Copyright ©
robinkrystal
... [
2008-07-13 13:46:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Stone that is your heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 13th July 2008 @ 02:22:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is really good writing on a very popular subject.
Hope it keeps on working out for you.
Good work.
huggs, blessings,
emy |
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Re: The Stone that is your heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 14th July 2008 @ 12:22:49 AM AEST
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A beautiful story of commitment, dedication and devotion.
Lovely descriptions and word choices. I simply ADORE this part,
"But I will unlock the secret
I will chisel you anew"
That is so poetically beautiful. Wonderful write!
~Breezy
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Re: The Stone that is your heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Monday, 14th July 2008 @ 06:10:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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a very lovely write.. full of emotion and heart.. i liked this one alot..
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: The Stone that is your heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sylvias on
Tuesday, 15th July 2008 @ 07:29:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Overall I like this poem however i believe that it would be better if you didn't use such obvious rhymes. Other than when you rhymed swinging with biting I feel as if I have heard all of the rhymes before. Remember in poems words don't always have to exactly rhyme or even rhyme at all. Since swinging and biting don't exactly rhyme it makes the poem a whole lot more interesting. Good luck. |
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