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The Crimson Tears of A Broken Child
Contributed by
Suicide_Princess
on
Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 09:13:19 AM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
A fallen angel
Eyes of tears
A broken reflection
Of all the years
The scars that run
Up and down her arm
Never trigger, a silent alarm.
The blood runs down
Like crimson tears
All the scars
Mark all her years
The time has come
She's had enough
Tonight it ends
Tonight she gives up
Her limp body
It falls to the floor
Her crimson tears
They flow no more
Her broken heart
Just couldnt heal
A sacred love
A broken seal
The lights, The sirens
There is no use
Time for her family
To know the truth
Her innocent face
Her beautiful eyes
All a mask
To cover up lies
The pain she felt
She always smiled
But nobody saw
The broken child
The broken child
Dieing inside
All the tears
She silently cried
The story of
Her suicide
It spread around
Nobody knew
How the pain
It silently grew
The broken child
Behind the mask
Her soul's at peace now
At rest at last
Copyright ©
Suicide_Princess
... [
2008-02-21 09:13:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Crimson Tears of A Broken Child
(User Rating: 1 )
by 5MinutePoet on
Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 08:00:35 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hi Princess. Honoured to be your first comment. I know how infuriating it is to wait for one, so i'm on hand to help. I like some of the stuff here, couple of nice ryhmes and a quick pace.
But if you want the constructive stuff, here goes. For me it seemed a bit rational for someone who was about to set off on 'an awfully big adveture'. It was very neatly composed and didn't convey enough an idea of emotional turmoil. Like wise it didn't have a dark feeling to it, something that made me hate, made me scream and clench my body. It didn't make me contort in disgust at the world that would allow such tragedy. I think that's what i was looking for from you, in both name and deed.
But all in all, it was nice..... keep shooting, although if i could suggest you try to find other times to write.... Hours before attempting to take your life will lead to a rather limited collection. Have fun |
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Re: The Crimson Tears of A Broken Child
(User Rating: 1 )
by madhusudan on
Friday, 22nd February 2008 @ 04:51:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I rather liked the previous comment...quitting sometimes makes things easy...but quitting only puts you to shame! i know i tried it, and im glad i lived to see another day...great work little miss sunshine! |
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Re: The Crimson Tears of A Broken Child
(User Rating: 1 )
by shawna14 on
Friday, 22nd February 2008 @ 01:17:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I don't know u or who u are but i like this poem i think it is really good and i culd never write anything this good |
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Re: The Crimson Tears of A Broken Child
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keisha on
Thursday, 20th March 2008 @ 08:22:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
this poem felt like a peice of my past,
it was very tense
good job, even though you felt strong enough to put action into your word.
hope things are better.
keep writting poetry. |
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