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Array
(
[sid] => 139561
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => A Poem of Betrayal
[time] => 2008-01-03 15:14:43
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => As I write, I begin to cry cry because of her cry because I’ve been hurt I’ve been broken mentally no words can fix what is broken nor actions what is done is done the damage has been done I’ve been betrayed by the one I used to love most but not anymore things have changed things that can’t be undone I never hurt her never laid a hand against her even though she abused me slapping, hitting, causing me Pain and yet through all that I never laid a hand on her how could she do that to me? hurt me even though I wouldn’t hit her back I have been betrayed by the one I love most she cannot repair with what she has already done it is already come and gone for her to say, “I’m Sorry” the Pain that I have experienced is still happening to me mentally I gave her my trust and love time and time again and look what happened!! just more Pain and the feeling of betrayal love has vanished from my eyes and has been replaced with hate no words can describe what I feel it is not love, nor is it hate it is something in between I told you to hang up the phone why didn’t you listen? you would have saved me some tears instead you made me do what dad told me to do hang up the phone he says the next time she is on hang up he said he told me what I needed to do if I knew what I know now I wouldn’t have did what I did I didn’t want to do it honestly but I had to obey so I did what I did she wanted me to move so she could talk on the phone I wouldn’t listen if only I listened to her she would still be here I was sitting in the chair and would not move so she sat on the desk with me in the chair I just sat there and didn’t move If I knew what I know now I would have moved I debate whether to listen to dad or to her I choose the one with more authority I hang up the phone she is o’ so mad at me what have you done? she says you stupid idiot she says to leave her alone I disobey and follow my orders that I obey against my will she calls HIM back and it begins again as if this is the first time hang up the phone he says the next time she is on hang up he said I heard his words again in my head I obey and unplug the phone she is o’ so mad what have I done? she pushes me away I go back If I knew now what I know I would have left It would have saved me some tears tears that are falling falling I go back to where I was If I would go back, I would have stayed it would have saved me some tears she started to raise her hand and then she slapped me across the back of the head o’ so hard harder than ever before how could she how could she do that to me? I wouldn’t have harmed her in any way yet she hurt me mentally this time she meant it it’s not like the other times when she was smiling this time she wasn’t smiling she was mad no laughter in any way I could find nothing but anger such anger I started to cry my eyes started to water I left before she could have the satisfaction of having made me cry about time she said oblivious to my eyes I walk calmly to the bathroom I could barely do it could barely see I started to weep silently no sound came from my lips they were suppressed how could she? why did she slap me? I wouldn’t have hurt her honestly I couldn’t lay a hand on her not because she was my sister not because she was a girl it was something much deeper it was me I wouldn’t, couldn’t do it without hurting me as well fifteen minutes later I ask him, my brother where his cell phone is ten minutes later after figuring out how to use it I call mom at work leave her alone she says I’ll deal with her when I get home she said I obey her as well and leave her alone she stays on the phone laughing and talking oblivious to what she has just put me through Later, when the parents are home I tell them even though I’m about to cry again they tell me that I can leave so I leave, and cry alone where no one can see me the next day she didn’t ride the bus home instead she gets home by her fiancée’s uncles mom calls a friend for moral supports few words are spoken take what is yours mom says once you leave your not coming to get anything you’ve forgotten she said has a trash bag full of belongings the rest is left behind she gets back in the truck and leaves without saying good-bye I go through her trash and find scraps of paper written in her hand “I hate my family” the last time I ever saw her on our property was her riding in a white pickup truck that belonged to her fiancées uncle I saw them at school a week later kissing I am filled with rage more at him than at her got married a little while after that I wasn’t even invited to my own sister’s wedding didn’t even tell me no family was invited didn’t even tell us one of her friends did mom called the court house to make sure she wasn’t lying she was telling the truth for once dropped out of school even though less than half a semester remained no education, no G.E.D. but has a child Kaylie Nicole she can say “hi” now I am filled with joy and happiness for her but at the same time I feel sorry for her I know how she will be raised she will just be like her mom and DAD unless they are willing to change if they haven’t already done so to this day I have barely spoken with her I can’t there is a barrier between me and her neither one tried to break it so it stays and gets stronger each and every day that passes If I knew not what I know now I wouldn’t have obeyed dad I would have got up and left and she would still be here but I obeyed dad and she left because of it [comments] => 3 [counter] => 245 [topic] => 48 [informant] => bresettem [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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