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Array
(
[sid] => 136702
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => How can i be pushed back down on the floor by the people i once knew and loved?
[time] => 2007-08-13 08:21:03
[hometext] => i haven't mentioned my partner in this, and maybe i should have as he's the only person that HASN'T given up on me. but i really wanted to enthysize what all of this is doing to me when he's not with me because of course. we're not together ALL the time!
[bodytext] => this is really written to me dad and step-mum... but also to every one else that has pushed me back here...! how can you think you're building my independence. by pushing me back through hell? you're slicing through by confidence. after i've just got better, so well. was it not enough i came through it broken, with spinning colors and quitted addictions. was it not good i didn't cut myself open, after Beston was left with no conviction. was i not fantastic I spun on through pain. with little to show for it. even though the poisonous acids and thorns. dug in more deeper than i could take it. am i not superb for not giving up, when every trigger was thrown in my face. like CAROL drinking in front of me. and leaving her bottles all over the place. was i not intelligent to pass my college course. and catch a place on the one above me. and keep moving forward, despite breaking inside, as little but few still judged me. am i not unique to have stood on top of it all, while the mental withdrawal still shot in waves of hate. because i don't feel all that great anymore. i am homeless; i eat when i eat. i don't feel all that strong any more. i fought all that way and for what? so i can be pushed back into my grave, pushed away and few times more, shot? i don't know why this is happening again, but it makes me feel like mud. how i can be pushed back down to the floor, by the people i once new and loved. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 283 [topic] => 61 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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