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Array
(
[sid] => 136553
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => old wolf
[time] => 2007-08-07 13:04:34
[hometext] => Just writing really, lol, still dwelling on my lost love, ha. But seems i can't move on, yet i know i'll never be able to go back either, so now only emptiness consumes!
[bodytext] => So your gone, here i am dwelling on you, my love for you still remains, i've tried to break it, tried to destroy it all, tried to forget you, forget the way you smell, the way your touch makes me feel, the feeling of being whole when you have your arms around me. Even being in your presence is enough to lift me up, make me smile, i used to worry that being friends afterwards would be too complicated, but now i've realised that your friendship is the only thing keeping me from colapsing, without that i would definantly be worse off. I am slowly starting to witness you smile again, slowly begining to move on, like you always wanted to i guess. I try to bite my lip, hide how much i miss you, control my emotions when i'm around you so that i don't burst into tears everytime i see you. i don't wish you to see my pain, i don't wish to drag you down, i wish you to be happy, thats why i said we should stop all this, i knew you weren't happy, sure i hurt like hell, but i have to let you go! Its better this way, thats what i keep telling myself, least now i'm not caging you, hoping that things will change, hoping.... ha, thats all i seem to do. I know you don't want to be with me, least not anymore, i've dragged this on for too long, now i think enough is enough, i don't wish you to cringe everytime you see me, and thats what will happen if i keep all this going. All i wish is for you to be happy, with or without me, it's obvious you'll never be happy being with me, so i give you up, hoping that you'll go on, hoping you'll find that girl to make all you dreams come true! Yeah it hurts, it's hollowed me out completely, but i don't mind, as long as i see a smile on your face, everything i've done will be worth it. I shall go on, so stress less old wolf, i will try to be comfortable with me! I know you think i ignored everything you ever said to me, that is where your sadly mistaken, i know i am worthwhile, in ways, and i shall try to not dwell on you. Try to learn from your words, your teachings, your experiences, but i won't deny that i may stuff it up. Please, don't look back at me though, please don't worry, please just keep moving on. I'll be fine, i have to learn how to grow, have to learn how to be happy being just by myself again. With you trying to comfort me, is hard to. But i'll get there eventually So please, go on, keep looking elsewhere, cause i want to see you smile, smile like you used to all those years ago. I will always be here for you, but my love for you will be placed away in a hidden stockpile with all my other memories of us! I hope you find what your looking for my love, my friend, my old wolf! Forever and a day, J. [comments] => 0 [counter] => 158 [topic] => 65 [informant] => jackson21 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => toughstuff )
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