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Array
(
[sid] => 133451
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => American Dream
[time] => 2007-04-12 06:35:48
[hometext] => Please comment on my poem and let me know what you think, i accept all forms of criticism
[bodytext] => The American Dream
Fact or fiction?
All I see is conflict and friction
The American dream is
Covered in hate greed and war
Is this what our fathers were fighting for?
The American Dream
America, a land full of critics and cynics
While babies are brutalized in "murder" clinics
Vietnam vets sleep on benches in the park
It's nolonger safe to be outside after dark
George Bush is hungry for oil, money, and power
This "coflict" in Iraq makes my stomach turn sour
Maybe George Bush should join Americas team
Cause to see him on the front line would be my
AMERICAN DREAM!
Well maybe it's the way were tought
Maybe it's the way we fought
Maybe things aren't just what they seem
Maybe they killed the AMERICAN DREAM
[comments] => 6
[counter] => 334
[topic] => 41
[informant] => raging_bull13
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 5
[ratings] => 1
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => political
)
American Dream
Contributed by
raging_bull13
on
Thursday, 12th April 2007 @ 06:35:48 AM in AEST
Topic:
political
|
The American Dream
Fact or fiction?
All I see is conflict and friction
The American dream is
Covered in hate greed and war
Is this what our fathers were fighting for?
The American Dream
America, a land full of critics and cynics
While babies are brutalized in "murder" clinics
Vietnam vets sleep on benches in the park
It's nolonger safe to be outside after dark
George Bush is hungry for oil, money, and power
This "coflict" in Iraq makes my stomach turn sour
Maybe George Bush should join Americas team
Cause to see him on the front line would be my
AMERICAN DREAM!
Well maybe it's the way were tought
Maybe it's the way we fought
Maybe things aren't just what they seem
Maybe they killed the AMERICAN DREAM
Copyright ©
raging_bull13
... [
2007-04-12 06:35:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: American Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by desireemiote on
Thursday, 12th April 2007 @ 06:44:37 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I love how you didn't push the rhyming too much but I'd love to see you do a free style poem. If it rhymes that's ok and if it doesn't that's fine too. Just go with your thoughts put in breaks where you feel they go as you write. Don't worry about structure so much. You'd be surprised what you could write without restricting yourself. I had a wonderful english teacher who showed me how to loosen up and not worry about rhyming. My poetry improved phenomenally once I tried it. It's up to you but I bet you'd impress yourself if you try it.
Megan, Aiden, and bun in the oven
p.s. there are many great forms of poetry and trying as many as you can will really expand your abilities. I'm not saying you need improvement. I'm just saying it's always best to try to expand you horizons. Good luck. Looking forward to more from you. Message me when you post anything and I'll be sure to read it ASAP. |
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Re: American Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by LoveStruck_Hippie on
Thursday, 12th April 2007 @ 07:14:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
A wonderful expression of what our Nation has become.
Oh and what I wouldn't give to see our President on the front line.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Peace
~Shannon |
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Re: American Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 12th April 2007 @ 01:07:33 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Great writing.
I've always said they need to send bush over there.
The news is on now and we just lost another Arkansas soilder.
Still I support our troops tho.
good work.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: American Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dom on
Thursday, 12th April 2007 @ 10:05:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I think you used the rhyming in this well in order to highlight specific words or areas that are important. It didn't feel too contrived to me.
I also enjoyed the actual message, it was conveyed with strength, annoyance and comedy in a nice blend.
Dom |
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Re: American Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Gravehorn on
Friday, 13th April 2007 @ 11:27:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I thought you did a very nice job with your rhyme scheme. Things didn't sound as if you tried overly hard to find words that rhymed, to the exstent of not making any sense and getting off topic. It all flowed together very well. Personally I dislike free-style poems. I would suggest sticking to rhymes because it really makes it sound better and not as much like a simple story. This is one of the best poems I have read on this site. |
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Re: American Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by topcatcrowther on
Saturday, 9th June 2007 @ 03:30:15 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| u're so right. its such a shame, american isn't able to see what is outside their nation/empire. the media rules and war yes, half a million have died in iraq for america's economic prosperity whilst two thirds of the worlds population die of starvation, disease and are illiterate. the entire world needs to wake up and see just how much suffering there is. however, very good and very very powerful poem, impressive. take care, tom. |
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