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Array ( [sid] => 132410 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Pain of Not Knowing [time] => 2007-03-05 18:27:04 [hometext] => Please comment and critique.. it means a lot [bodytext] => I sit and stare into your gaze
A war is going on
I can’t see through the yellow haze
Blinded by the laws

In vain I think of endings, now
Though I will never know
If I were to do what I don’t know how
Would you see me dark and low

Sitting in your presence now,
I calculate the time
Before which all of this turns sour
And my window loses its shine

Will you sit and watch, as times before
Of who and where and why
Or will you step in and bust the door
That isolates my tide

I want to know your thoughts of me
And what you wish to say
And ask me what I wish that me
Myself could tell with taste

And tell me that you are still here
For that would mean the world
The desperate angst among my tears
At last would then disperse

I sit here in your glass eyes
Frozen in the time
Oh how slow the time goes by
When one is out of line

The vacancy inside your stare
Releases me but hurts
For now I know you never cared
Curiosity, it seems, was first

You could just let me know, you know
And then I could begin
To move away from Emptiness
So my world can resume its spin.
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 166 [topic] => 48 [informant] => ashleigh [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

The Pain of Not Knowing

Contributed by ashleigh on Monday, 5th March 2007 @ 06:27:04 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

I sit and stare into your gaze
A war is going on
I can’t see through the yellow haze
Blinded by the laws

In vain I think of endings, now
Though I will never know
If I were to do what I don’t know how
Would you see me dark and low

Sitting in your presence now,
I calculate the time
Before which all of this turns sour
And my window loses its shine

Will you sit and watch, as times before
Of who and where and why
Or will you step in and bust the door
That isolates my tide

I want to know your thoughts of me
And what you wish to say
And ask me what I wish that me
Myself could tell with taste

And tell me that you are still here
For that would mean the world
The desperate angst among my tears
At last would then disperse

I sit here in your glass eyes
Frozen in the time
Oh how slow the time goes by
When one is out of line

The vacancy inside your stare
Releases me but hurts
For now I know you never cared
Curiosity, it seems, was first

You could just let me know, you know
And then I could begin
To move away from Emptiness
So my world can resume its spin.

Copyright Â© ashleigh ... [ 2007-03-05 18:27:04]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Pain of Not Knowing (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 5th March 2007 @ 07:00:07 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Wow...this is a very well written poem. I especially enjoyed he last two verses. I truly enjoyed this. I'm going to read more of your work. Keep writing!

- Marisa

Re: The Pain of Not Knowing (User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on Monday, 5th March 2007 @ 07:24:06 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

a very deep expressive write.. I enjoyed this piece well done

vampyress jenni

Re: The Pain of Not Knowing (User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 12:02:18 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Here there is ability, talent, a good heart with desire toward expression. Good job and I love the last line.
I often start out with a very personal approach filled with pronouns. I then tear them up and rebuild leaning toward the universal, impersonal unless it screams to be told in a personal way. I find this work in that vein however digging out our truths sometimes finishing; by sifting to get at the polished nugget, helps. As well as reading your work aloud and editing based on flow of language and balancing, reducing common speech to poetic essence.

Keep the Pen Flowing.

Peace
Yangdantien

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