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Tick Tock, Said the Elements
Contributed by
ashleigh
on
Sunday, 4th March 2007 @ 01:37:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I doused myself in kerosene
And lit it with a match
The burn sensation so serene
A thousand truths to hatch
I packed the earth unto myself
As I sat inside my grave
The familiar feel of cold, lest help
Could pull me from my shame
I sank beneath the tidal waves
Immoral, sad but true
No more shall I sit, enslaved
By wonderments of you
I squeezed the breath right out of me
Immune to lack of flow
Good riddance, insecurity,
Beginning of the show
I did it all, I think, for you
And just to see your face
Just to know what you would do
And if your care was fake
A fixed race against the clock
For I want only you
But you can not get past the shock
Of what you need to do
Cant you see how Ive become
From pure and gentle face
To midnight hour, my body shunned
My time is up youre late.
Copyright ©
ashleigh
... [
2007-03-04 13:37:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Tick Tock, Said the Elements
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 4th March 2007 @ 03:41:49 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Nice work, ashleigh. This has a nice flow to it that makes it easy to read. It is not, though, 'light' fare (a la Hallmark) --- rather, this has weight and obviously, a darker essence that can't be missed. Moreoever, it's unique, well thought out and interesting.... I liked the lines like "I packed the earth unto myself" and "I squeezed the breath right out of me" --- there's a 'wicked consciousness' in those lines that somehow very cool and somewhat frightening both.
Keep writing -
~Snem
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Re: Tick Tock, Said the Elements
(User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on
Monday, 5th March 2007 @ 12:18:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Excellent poetic imagery and I agree with Snem there is a 'wicked consciousness' present under the driving pace of this piece.
Well Done
Peace
Yangdantien |
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