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Array ( [sid] => 121843 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => --After all of this *****-- [time] => 2006-06-15 23:17:21 [hometext] => ¢¾I wrote this and then felt like I should have kept it going and didn't know how to continue it..what do you think? [bodytext] => My heart is numb,

My body's weak.

My mind's confused,

I cannot speak.

One day he's here,

the next he's gone.

Sometimes I fear,

I won't move on.

I lie awake,

the night's not bright.

I start to remember the 1st time,

we talked all night.

I hate remembering

being with you before.

It hurts remembering you,

when you're not here anymore.

I don't want to remember

the times you made me laugh.

Because I know-

those are the last times we'll have.

I want to forget you,

and everything I am feeling.

Because I know you are the only one,

who knows how I'm dealing.

But you aren't here

to help me through.

I don't know what to do...

I won't ever be with you.

[comments] => 6 [counter] => 198 [topic] => 48 [informant] => honesty_strikes_my_pen [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 2 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

--After all of this *****--

Contributed by honesty_strikes_my_pen on Thursday, 15th June 2006 @ 11:17:21 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

My heart is numb,

My body's weak.

My mind's confused,

I cannot speak.

One day he's here,

the next he's gone.

Sometimes I fear,

I won't move on.

I lie awake,

the night's not bright.

I start to remember the 1st time,

we talked all night.

I hate remembering

being with you before.

It hurts remembering you,

when you're not here anymore.

I don't want to remember

the times you made me laugh.

Because I know-

those are the last times we'll have.

I want to forget you,

and everything I am feeling.

Because I know you are the only one,

who knows how I'm dealing.

But you aren't here

to help me through.

I don't know what to do...

I won't ever be with you.

Copyright Â© honesty_strikes_my_pen ... [ 2006-06-15 23:17:21]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: --After all of this *****-- (User Rating: 1 )
by a7x36 on Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 12:26:16 AM AEST
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i think the rhyme scheme takes away a lot of the passion of the poem

Re: --After all of this *****-- (User Rating: 1 )
by wolf_tamer on Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 12:29:16 AM AEST
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it's hard, but there are others. you'll find your true one and only someday. i hope it's soon.
~wolf~

Re: --After all of this *****-- (User Rating: 1 )
by poet_in_waiting on Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 10:30:23 AM AEST
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i agree with the rhyme comment, but i do like the poem .. it plays like a song to me .. a pretty good sad song

nice!!

Re: --After all of this *****-- (User Rating: 1 )
by bronzen on Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 03:36:15 PM AEST
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moving is best we can not waste time in situations that can't be repaired our minds need to be centered elsewhere

Re: --After all of this *****-- (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 10:12:28 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Poetry can continue virtually ad finitum.
You can extend this by switching the form of the assonance, eg.

In the lines I don't know what to do, I won't ever be with you- The assonance is on the "oo'' sounding vowels. Naturally, depending on the size and strength of your vocabulary, you could continue with this but I Would recommend switching the assonance to "ee" sounding vowels, such as

be
me
sea
see
green
mean,

and so forth.

you're welcome,
black.

Re: --After all of this *****-- (User Rating: 1 )
by snowflake on Saturday, 17th June 2006 @ 08:57:39 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Thanks for the comment on my poem "Heartborken" it was greatly appreciated. I enjoyed reading this, and I have to agree with what you said I can relate to this thanks for sharing this wonderful piece. hope you continue writing Love N peace
-SNOwflaKE-

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