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Array ( [sid] => 118776 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Altered Existence [time] => 2006-04-21 23:35:18 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Sit down and relax
Clear your mind
Your troubles today
Are left behind

Take a deep breath
And hold it a minute
And as you release
You'll find you're within it

It comes in peace
A breathren of sorts

This altered existence
Just running it's course

A place that is void
Of hurt and addiction
Where truth is
Your solitary conviction

Your deepest and darkest
Desires and secrets
Spectacular strengths
And alien weakness

The Glory of Heaven
In all It's creation
Your hunger for lust
Eternal Damnation [comments] => 5 [counter] => 238 [topic] => 43 [informant] => John_Dawson [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 1 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Altered Existence

Contributed by John_Dawson on Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 11:35:18 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

Sit down and relax
Clear your mind
Your troubles today
Are left behind

Take a deep breath
And hold it a minute
And as you release
You'll find you're within it

It comes in peace
A breathren of sorts

This altered existence
Just running it's course

A place that is void
Of hurt and addiction
Where truth is
Your solitary conviction

Your deepest and darkest
Desires and secrets
Spectacular strengths
And alien weakness

The Glory of Heaven
In all It's creation
Your hunger for lust
Eternal Damnation

Copyright © John_Dawson ... [ 2006-04-21 23:35:18]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Altered Existence (User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 12:17:16 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Interesting poem, with quite a smooth flow.
Jenni

Re: Altered Existence (User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 12:38:19 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

nice flow..
the simplicity does not induce the idealism..
*I thought as I read..*

...very well conceived-

welcome to YPDC-
I look forward to reading more of your work.

B

Re: Altered Existence (User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 01:00:29 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Welcome to YPDC, John!

This is an interesting first post. For some odd reason, it reads almost like to separate poems to me... perhaps because when I hit the italicized lines, I couldn't help but thinking that they would be good end lines.

I'll echo the others as well... there is a easy, natural flow to this piece. Nicely done.

~Snemmy

Re: Altered Existence (User Rating: 1 )
by Keilantra on Sunday, 23rd April 2006 @ 12:01:53 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

im liking this alot, and the idea of a altered existance. keep up the writing, i like your flow.

Re: Altered Existence (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 09:15:11 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i really enjoyed this poem...especially the straightforwardness...look forward to reading more of your work!

pen

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