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Array ( [sid] => 117567 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Poem [time] => 2006-04-02 17:19:28 [hometext] => Well this is my first poem and in all honesty I just made it up random. Whatever came to my mind, I wrote onto the screen. [bodytext] => Ignorance is bliss,
But my lips blow a sweet kiss,
A story that you will never know,
A story of truth, love, and hate.
For this story will bring down nations,
From the east to the west.

For I curse the strong,
And help the weak,
I am the one you shouldn’t fear,
But I am also the one you should hate,
I have seen plenty,
Yet love is still a miss.

The life I dream if nothing but a lie,
The tears I cry are the tears of dreams,
Life isn’t a mirage of happiness,
But I flood of sadness,
Life is a challenge.

But standing on a cliff,
I see the absence of life,
The void of the world,
And death the rocks below,
Yet I slip into this void.

Slip into the world,
Slip into death,
Slip into peace,
Slip into the end,
Slip from fiction into reality.

By: Andrey Sokolov [comments] => 3 [counter] => 229 [topic] => 43 [informant] => Xealot [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Poem

Contributed by Xealot on Sunday, 2nd April 2006 @ 05:19:28 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

Ignorance is bliss,
But my lips blow a sweet kiss,
A story that you will never know,
A story of truth, love, and hate.
For this story will bring down nations,
From the east to the west.

For I curse the strong,
And help the weak,
I am the one you shouldn’t fear,
But I am also the one you should hate,
I have seen plenty,
Yet love is still a miss.

The life I dream if nothing but a lie,
The tears I cry are the tears of dreams,
Life isn’t a mirage of happiness,
But I flood of sadness,
Life is a challenge.

But standing on a cliff,
I see the absence of life,
The void of the world,
And death the rocks below,
Yet I slip into this void.

Slip into the world,
Slip into death,
Slip into peace,
Slip into the end,
Slip from fiction into reality.

By: Andrey Sokolov

Copyright Â© Xealot ... [ 2006-04-02 17:19:28]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Poem (User Rating: 1 )
by Mild_Tempest on Sunday, 2nd April 2006 @ 06:55:04 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Doesn't seem like a "first" poem. But you could work on your structure and organization. Somethings don't make sense and other maybe you could put in chronological order.

Re: Poem (User Rating: 1 )
by Butterflygirl40 on Sunday, 2nd April 2006 @ 10:28:12 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I really didnt see anything wrong with your poem
I liked it ,, welcome to ypdc

Re: Poem (User Rating: 1 )
by wolfman on Monday, 3rd April 2006 @ 06:07:18 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Welcome to YPDC I hope that you will enjoy being here as much as we do in having you.

This was a rather insteresting first post, it starts out, with the first two lines rhyming, but the rest of them dont, not a big problem, the poem was a bit surreal but good.

I did enjoy reading this poem, made me take a different look at things, try and expand your writing styles, doo keep it up. Be well and God bless.

Wolfman

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