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Array
(
[sid] => 114504
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Obsession - bulimia
[time] => 2006-02-08 16:53:04
[hometext] => a scarey thought....
[bodytext] => My bleeding heart my empty skin, Hold me down when I cannot win, The palest flesh and rigid bones, You can brake my spirits but not with stones, You’re burning tongue, in which you curse, Makes emotion twice as worse, Alone I’ve cried too many times, When alone I commit my crimes, I contemplate and my inner demons begin to burn through, When people think I’m satisfied inside I’m feeling blue, With my stomach bloated my mind teases, “Looks like fatty just eats what she pleases, You’re disgusting and vile get down on your knees, Begin to retch, its not a disease”. My mind it plays tricks about the pain I’ve inflicted, “Just once more you’re not addicted”, So once more on the bathroom floor, You make your mind happy but make yourself sore, Nobody knows my secret desire, And if they ask I’ll just be a liar, Cos when the tears fall down my eyes, It feels so easy to continue my lies, From behind the door nobody knows, Just how far I let myself go, I try to stop still denial by ease, And once again my mind starts to tease, “was it just me or are you twice the size, Come on now don’t give into the lies, Its not a disease you are not sick, So come on just throw up a bit”, “but I’ve eaten nothing my stomach is fine” “is that what you tell yourself all the time”, Down go the fingers one by one, And flush the toilet after I’m done. When I look to the mirror it talks back to me, Tells me things which I can almost see, It helps me step closer to perfection, It leads me in the right direction, I didn’t even know it was real, Cos I denied to my head what my heat did so feel, But I wont it to stop, I need it to end, So I told my lover that I needed a friend, I saw him in hurt I saw him in pain, Like he was going through exactly the same, “you need to get help this needs to stop! you need to eat before your weight drops, I love you so much but I’m hurting inside, Don’t be the cause of the tears that I’ve cried” Don’t want to for him my guardian star, Stopping me before I go too far, Used to tell myself couldn’t be me, But I was the only one that needed to see, I was sick I needed to end before its found, Or before I finally do hit the ground, The mirrors still there chanting me on, But there’s another voice saying its wrong, Saying I’m beautiful skinny and smart, And his proud of me that I conquered my heart, I have an obsession which includes, Whenever I eat I throw up my food, No longer denying the hurt that I feel, No longer denying bulimia’s real. [comments] => 6 [counter] => 258 [topic] => 13 [informant] => corrupted_minds [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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