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Array
(
[sid] => 10678
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Faceless Stalker
[time] => 2003-01-18 21:20:00
[hometext] => This poem represents a time of gloom n darkness, of unwanted hope and rejected feeling. It taught me that nothing is really as bad as it seems. one day u're happy n filled with energy, the next you're down in the dumps. It's normal. you live, love and learn to give in gracefully when life doesn't go the way you want it to. At the end of it, you come out with experience that no book can teach you. There was a time when i was filled with boundless hope and excitement for all god-created things...someone shook that reality, although not intentionally. He showed me that the world wasn't as fantastic as i had seen it. I wish he hadn't...
I'm still picking up the pieces...but yes, i WILL get there somday and when that day comes...absolutely no-one will destroy my dreams! [bodytext] => I lived a year in an air-less stunted place, following time and instruction mindlessly. Days passed into night as my mind took a holiday. I wished for unattainable realities, Hoped for things I never before had the chance to get, And i reached for them undaunted...ready for failure and rejection Yet not expecting it. Day after day until ultimately I broke the cycle By writing down my feelings... With the uncontrollable need to confront And resolve things once and for all. But even these were rejected, Thrown back in my face, insignificant, meaningless, unwanted. "if you're gonna want us as more than just friends, then we should not be friends." Did those words really come from a human being? Was i wrong about him after all this time? Those words cut straight to heart... In every way that counted. I had thought that I'd found something special, someone unknown and sacred, someone I could be utterly comfortable with, And in one intentional stroke... He destroyed it. The first in years who had earned my trust completely...Only he took it And threw, what he couldn't handle, Back in my face. Torment and humiliation consumed me, what a fool I'd been... Never again. Never shall i follow these blasted instincts, Not where his kind is concerned. I will not feel. I refuse to acknowledge them from this day forth. For friendship is no more true then a green field of daisies in a sunny thunderstorm, And love no more than a human measure To retain sanity. There's no room for hope.... It just brings anger and insanity. And from this terrible place I wake... Nightmarish images popping up From time to time but well under control. Places that we shared bringing memories, and laughter. At night before i had to leave... Memories unwanted... And now I trek, strangely reluctant to the New year. God i still wonder how the goodness turned to hate so quickly. He pretended friendship, Always. why? Did he get some thrill out of rejecting a friend? or was it... My fault? I need no-one, nothing...never ever will. Barriers currently seem fully functional. I refuse to feel, want, need. No more will I enjoy the emotions that come...for they will be dependent on another human being and i have become wary of those. Incessant questions and doubts will always follow. Don't build the door, or the memories because time cannot unmake them. Gather, compress and discard. Delete all that hurt because it is indifference that will help in the end. Only indifference. Heart protected by steel stakes... Embedded deeply to cause numbness, Never more... You are forgiven. [comments] => 8 [counter] => 207 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Arwen [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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