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Thaw
Contributed by
Vampire_Slander
on
Monday, 29th August 2005 @ 06:00:59 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
This frost
an aura surround
ice encases me
so cold to touch
chilling breath
these glass sheets
a mirror
reflection admits
a crystal cavern
gems glowing
beading with sun
transfixed by hail
strong barrier
one enemy
winter is power
so harsh
but beautiful
peacefulness
overwhelming quiet
against the white
reflecting silver
a dim lit world
Copyright ©
Vampire_Slander
... [
2005-08-29 18:00:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Thaw
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 29th August 2005 @ 06:12:24 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I appreciate the level of accuracy here, in depicting various aspects of winter, especially in the twilight of my summer. It brings me closer to the 'overwhelming quiet', which I expect everyone (or anyone who perhaps doesn't live in a city) would recognise and associate with winter.
However, i'm not quite sure that 'dim' is the most accurate word for encompassing the world you're trying to culminate at the end between the overwhelming quiet. I would expect that 'frost-lit' or perhaps 'spark-lit' would be more interesting, and of course, prove more vivid insofar as abstract (the moon?) silver/glittering reflections (which I perceive here) are concerned.
Nice to look at.
Keep writing,
N_F |
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Re: Thaw
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 30th August 2005 @ 01:08:29 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| wow i am amze.. |
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