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Array ( [sid] => 101046 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => To Know I'm Alive [time] => 2005-07-13 01:46:56 [hometext] => This is kind of something I made that is supposed to be about the emotions I feel that tell me I'm alive. You might not get all of it, but here it is anyway: [bodytext] => Lightened emotions would be sprawled,
like that of strayed ocean on shore
So much do the benighted have to be called,
away and shut in a drawer

When I sit upon hard rock,
and feel a chilled rush through my mortality,
life is nothing less than a shock,
in this place I must call reality

Still, when the sun shines,
and the corbies caw
with the smell of strong pines,
I’m left with growing awe
As the flowers bloom
through my reigning snow,
it bears the absence of a doom,
And again the feeling of life does flow

Strengthening my soul
Helping my flesh
To make me feel whole
To make all seem fresh

Finally, I taste the rain,
hear the wind,
to break this chain
and free a spirit so pinned

This is it,
Nothing more and nothing less,
Yet one will always throw a fit,
But for us They could bless

Only sometimes I know I’m alive

When the hail begins,
When the drops beat,
When the face of death near me grins,
And my fate it uses to greet

While stress grows
and more than one tear flows,
When something in you dies
just before your life flies,
you know you’re living
A wound, blood it’s giving
You know you’re living

To know I’m alive
I feel all that’s around thrive

[comments] => 1 [counter] => 146 [topic] => 21 [informant] => emberrain [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )

To Know I'm Alive

Contributed by emberrain on Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 01:46:56 AM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

Lightened emotions would be sprawled,
like that of strayed ocean on shore
So much do the benighted have to be called,
away and shut in a drawer

When I sit upon hard rock,
and feel a chilled rush through my mortality,
life is nothing less than a shock,
in this place I must call reality

Still, when the sun shines,
and the corbies caw
with the smell of strong pines,
I’m left with growing awe
As the flowers bloom
through my reigning snow,
it bears the absence of a doom,
And again the feeling of life does flow

Strengthening my soul
Helping my flesh
To make me feel whole
To make all seem fresh

Finally, I taste the rain,
hear the wind,
to break this chain
and free a spirit so pinned

This is it,
Nothing more and nothing less,
Yet one will always throw a fit,
But for us They could bless

Only sometimes I know I’m alive

When the hail begins,
When the drops beat,
When the face of death near me grins,
And my fate it uses to greet

While stress grows
and more than one tear flows,
When something in you dies
just before your life flies,
you know you’re living
A wound, blood it’s giving
You know you’re living

To know I’m alive
I feel all that’s around thrive

Copyright Â© emberrain ... [ 2005-07-13 01:46:56]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: To Know I'm Alive (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 02:12:12 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Well expressed thoughts, I say. I like how you used ABAB for the main body of the piece, then wrapped it up with AABB. It lends a natural fruition, of sorts.

I like the expression of the first stanza, but the way it is said is a bit complicated. I've the notion that a simpler opening is best, to invite the reader to keep on reading.

Anyway, good work, this is, and do keep it up. Slàn.

Andrew
(who doesn't often see the word "corbie" in a poem, but likes it)

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