Your Poetry Dot Com - I'm Falling in Love Again

I’m falling in Love Again

Ours was a casual, on again, and off again relationship.
I inherited Christian duty from my parents.
I obeyed, attended church faithfully and studied the Bible
to make good grades.
It all had a sensible ring to it, but it was shallow and unfulfilling.

Not until I was on my own did I realize that I needed more.
But time marched on as I gained a husband and family
and all the busyness of life.
We were complete, all of us together.
Life was good.

I tried to be a loving, responsible mother.
My children would always be safe on my watch.
Their needs came before mine, always.
They grew into adulthood and left our nest empty which took some
getting used to…and not without some tears along the way.

It never occurred to me that I might be forced to give one of them up…
a seed I grew in my belly and then watch develop into manhood.
Who would demand such a thing?

Oh, there were the car-accident worries every parent has that comes
as an attachment to the teen’s driver’s license.
But when nothing happened within the first few months,
we began to let out a sigh of relief.

So nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared us
for the unthinkable.
Never would have we thought about suicide.
Never.

But it happened and it changed all of us forever.
It was a life-changing trauma; a horrific tragedy with absolute
crushing, heart-smashing pain.

I have written descriptive words before…but there are always
more, and more, and still more.
I was too mute, too wasted, and in too much throbbing pain to wonder
where God was in all of this.

I hadn’t really wondered seriously about our relationship…
I assumed we had one and it was okay.
But suddenly, I hated God.
I hated Him with all the rage within the core of my being.
How dare He take my child!
How dare He let such a thing happen when He had all the power to stop
him, but He didn’t. Why not?
WHY NOT??

No answers; only questions. We could query the vastness of the internet all we wanted, but we would never have answers.
There were none.

It took time before I began to realize that God had never left
me or my family alone.
No matter the length of the tunnel of grief, He would walk by our sides,
holding our hands, arms around our shoulders,
carrying us mile after mile if need be and always whispering
His promises in our ears:

My Child,
Behold I come quickly and every eye shall see Me… Revelation 1:7, AMP, paraphrased

Every eye, and that means your whole family, including the ones who have been asleep.
Hold on…hold on.

Yes, Lord, I will hold on to You and all Your precious promises.
You are teaching me day by day and I am, perhaps for the first time ever,
truly falling in love with You.

This poem is Copyright ยฉ picklepuss